French club Evian have confirmed the signing of Liverpool midfielder Christian Poulsen.

The idea that we are short of water comes from a guideline in 1945 that adults should drink 2.5l every day

Bixente Lizarazu, the former France international, has confirmed he will deliver on his outlandish promise to run through the streets of Evian naked after his local club won promotion to Ligue 1.

Young Alexis Thompson is paying for the Michelle Wie controversy. The organisers of the Ricoh Women's British Open yesterday admitted that the furore which greeted the Hawaiian's invite five years ago was instrumental in them denying the game's latest 15-year-old sensation from trying to qualify for this week's major at Birkdale.

The Plastiscines had created that sense of anticipation that use to follow me in my youth; the excitement before a gig. So there I was, surrounded by youngsters, with glow sticks, hot pants with bare legs unafraid of the cold, and drinking cider and giggling.

French financial watchdogs slammed President Nicolas Sarkozy for spending £160m on his country's six months in charge of the EU - including £250,000 on a personal presidential shower which he never used.

The last time Michelle Wie teed it up in the Ricoh Women's British Open her left wrist was as mangled as her public profile and pretty much everyone was relieved when she crashed out with a second-round 80. Now, two years on, Wie returns and although the pain is only masked by powerful anti-inflammatories, at least her chances of contending for a first major seem healthy enough.

You'll remember that scene in Star Wars when bun-headed Princess Leia appears in holographic form to tell Obi-Wan Kenobi that he's her only hope. Fantastical sci-fi, back in the Seventies. Not any more; today it's a reality, of a sort, and it's the latest hot thing in marketing. Welcome to the world of "augmented reality", or AR.

Honourable Members, form an orderly queue here (and remember to get a receipt with your ice cream): you are soon to have your very own opera, courtesy of none other than Sir Peter Maxwell Davies, pictured, Master of the Queen's Music.

Bottled water. We all hate it now, don't we? Few products can rival its spectacular fall from grace. Government ministers rail against it ("morally unacceptable" in the pleasingly direct words of the environment minister, Phil Woolas) and shoppers no longer think it is fashionable.

Matthew is always asking me baffling and insulting questions, but not since he asked me if I had filled an Evian bottle with antifreeze in an attempt to kill him can I recall one as baffling and insulting as the one he posed recently.

David Davies was brave, wayward, impressive and dogged, then exhausted, punch drunk, bravely wayward and briefly unconscious.

You've travelled half way round the world, it's 4am and your body thinks it is time for lunch. So, do any of those jet-lag cures work? By Aoife O'Riordain

THE FUNKY