Ambassador Dimitrov was very, very cross with Ukip’s “unacceptable” and “extremely serious” “propaganda leaflets” suggesting that millions of Bulgarians were about to flood into Britain. He would have been much more cross if it had been at a lunch at which Ukip’s leader was regaling reporters with his full-on cheeky chappie routine worthy of the man he himself described as “that late, great comedian Bob Monkhouse”: stand-up with an electoral twist.

Questions for Chris Evans? Start here

I am pleased to say that I have been able to hire, at enormous expense, the services of Chris Evans in writing today's column. Chris Evans is currently unemployed, so we feel that both sides will gain from this arrangement.

TELEVISION : Monarchy? On TV, only the mob rules

THE BUSTLES were stored and the crinolines folded; the horses stabled and the stagecoaches mothballed. We were in Charles Dance-land, a Twenties world of Bentley convertibles and cigarette-holders, and the story was that old favourite, Rebecca (ITV, Sunday & Monday).

TV puts republican Britain to the test

Millions of viewers to join poll on future of the monarchy in the biggest event of its kind. Michael Streeter reports

Sir Clive Sinclair laps up Stringfellow's party

People & Business

Television: Restoration comedy, modern tragedy

We are in a coach, bumping through late-17th-century Lancashire. "Well, what would you do?" the busty occupant slyly asks the viewer, in an aside to camera that is Urquhartian in its complicity. What would we do? We'd bonk him, of course, just like she is going to, for this is Andrew Davies's Moll Flanders (ITV, Sunday and Monday) - or House of Bosoms - and the heroine may be flawed, but we are definitely on her side.

Strip club teases investors with public share offer

It promises to be one of the more risque share issues of recent times, its success almost guaranteed by the irresistible combination of sex and money. Britain is to get its first publicly quoted "lap dancing" club.

Over-45s get a second wind for nightclubbing

Disco revolution: Survey finds more than four in ten adults regularly go to clubs, with older ravers more welcome than ever

"16,000 letters of objections forced planners to accept their ideas were unpopular"

Earlier this year I described my efforts to judge the finals of Gloucestershire's best-kept village competition, the Bledisloe Cup. Well, last weekend I went round with a small official party presenting the prizes, to Highnam, Oddington and Cherington, winners in the large, medium and small divisions.

LAST 5 RECORDS I BOUGHT; Peter Stringfellow

Legendary nightclub owner Peter Stringfellow recently released his autobiography

Thank you, but I won't

Who'd be celibate in 1996? Not the Roman Catholic Bishop of Argyll and the Isles, who has resigned after running away with a divorced woman from his congregation. But while the wind of change blows up the Catholic cassock, Ruth Picardie detects a swing in the other direction

How I learnt to stop worrying and love venery

Sometimes you get a second chance. Sometimes you get a mid-life crisis and make an arse of yourself. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

i'll be your friend, will you be mine?

When did you last make a new friend, and why did you choose that person? Almost certainly not for the reasons you think you did ... Emma Cook on selecting a mate

Let's hear it for the brothel

Legalised prostitution could provide centres of healthy satisfaction.

TELEVISION : Eating humble pie with the upper crust

I WOKE up on Friday worrying about the Gordon-Duff-Penningtons. If they don't find pounds 2m, they may have to abandon their ancestral castle, and then where would we be? For, as Tony Parsons, Esq, explains in Parsons on Class (BBC2), the Gordon-Duff-Penningtons have been living there for almost a thousand years! What concerns me is that, during the same period, my ances- tors were forced to move. All over Europe. Tracing my line back a further 100,000 years, I think of my African forebears, trudging along. What we could have done with was a castle in Cumbria.
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