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Ambassador Dimitrov was very, very cross with Ukip’s “unacceptable” and “extremely serious” “propaganda leaflets” suggesting that millions of Bulgarians were about to flood into Britain. He would have been much more cross if it had been at a lunch at which Ukip’s leader was regaling reporters with his full-on cheeky chappie routine worthy of the man he himself described as “that late, great comedian Bob Monkhouse”: stand-up with an electoral twist.

TELEVISION / Chat show from over there looks odd over here

LOOKING to fill their afternoon schedules this autumn, ITV have recruited Vanessa Feltz, a substantial blonde from Anglia Television with a wardrobe of ill- advised twin-sets. Her role is to do what they do in America all afternoon - talk to the people. Vanessa (ITV) goes like this: a couple of Aunt Sallys are set up on a platform to open a discussion about some lukewarm topic of the day, which Vanessa then takes into the audience via a vast phallic microphone.

True gripes: Squeezed out: Time for rejected clubbers to get heavy

Am I alone in being sick to the teeth of nightclub bouncers masquerading as beauty police? It is the ultimate comedown, a frustrating end to what is intended as an evening of enjoyment, which leaves you feeling cold, bored and faced with the prospect of trudging sheepishly back past the hopefuls queuing behind you. And all on the whim of a bouncer with an ego the size of a sound system who has decided that you will not be one of the chosen few.

Interview: I'd love to be Stephen Hawking: From his four-in-a-bed childhood to dancing girls every night, Peter Stringfellow knows all about how to turn fantasy into reality

Peter Stringfellow is about to trademark Angels: the word and the concept. By Angels he means beautiful, shapely, very young women wearing only a garter and a G-string, who will dance for (but not with) any man who slips pounds 10 into the garter. They are trained to hold eye-contact with their benefactor, so it often takes two or even three dances before the man can tear his eyes away and allow them to travel lower. When all's said and done, you don't pay pounds 10 to gaze into an Angel's eyes.

First-Hand: Recession? Yes, I sold my yacht: Mark Thatcher says he's poor on pounds 40m. Peter Stringfellow ( pounds 12m) disagrees

HOW much you value money depends on your background and since mine was working- class Sheffield, I respect it. Being poor means not having enough coal to put on the fire in winter or only having meat once a week. If you believe everything you read in the papers, I was worth pounds 12m at my peak, which I always thought was a conservative estimate. The wonderful thing about being wealthy is not having to worry, knowing that the cheque won't bounce.

Opinions: Would you hire a fat person?

PETER STRINGFELLOW, nightclub owner: Would I employ a fat person as a waitress, a receptionist, at the bar? NO] High profile, presentable staff require a certain look and style that reflects the glamorous surroundings in which they work. However, my first chef is very overweight, as is my second chef, and it doesn't bother me because they are tremendously talented and not in the public gaze.

Fat: it's a nuclear issue: We knew it: fat people are bad people - do you trust Kim Jong Il not to push the button?

OF COURSE, the really big thing about Kim Jong Il, the Dear Leader of North Korea, is that he is fat. Everybody who writes or talks about him mentions the fact - even BBC Television News felt obliged to describe him as 'chubby'. The best photograph shows him grinning inanely next to his late dad, his obese form militarily clad and largely concealing a distant mountain range.

View from abroad: Jazz vocalist Buddy Greco

'I love London. It's very special to me. I've been coming here for ever. I even lived here for a while. London is my second home. Fans here are so loyal and have been since I came over at 18 with the Benny Goodman band.

It's just like the office, except for the bare breasts

THE NIGHTCLUB owner Peter Stringfellow is about to import from America something that he intends to make a vital element of British business culture. So exciting is it that Mr Stringfellow likens himself to the man who brought the first potato; but, unlike the potato, Mr Stringfellow's thing is staggeringly beautiful, but must not on any account be tasted, or similar. His thing is girls, performing in dance clubs. ('Dance clubs' being a euphemism for places where women take their clothes off for a fiver and dance on shiny black tables.)

Why Lee Anne danced naked for her dad, too: Reggie Nadelson meets a Cardiff woman who dances on tables in a Texas topless club

The worst thing Lee Anne (not her real name) ever had to do was dance naked for her father. When I first met her, she was working at Cabaret Royale in Dallas, one of a pair of upmarket strip clubs I visited during research for a documentary. Here, and at the Cheetah in Atlanta, the strippers think of themselves as dancers.

Opinions: What was your biggest disappointment?

RALPH STEADMAN, cartoonist: I had a terrible disappointment a month ago. Burglars stole all my wines - 300 bottles worth nearly pounds 5,000. It was such a disappointment because I thought they were going to take my mother-in-law. They even came back a second time and I thought, 'This is it]', but they didn't take her that time either. They took a statue of the Virgin Mary and she's Jewish.

Handbags and glad rags in clubland comeback: Alison Veness dressed up for a night out at Stringfellows - where glamour is the buzz word and the owner oozes hospitality

BY 1.30am a young woman is already being sick, lolling over the toilet bowl in the ladies lavatory at Stringfellows night-club.

On Tour: Adonis

American stripper Dan Mahon has been touring with Adonis since they first came to England in 1990

Opinions: What housework is done by men?

NEIL LYNDON, journalist: The presumption that men don't do housework is an outdated and generalised prejudice. As I'm living alone I do all of the housework, and I'm quite conscientious.
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Independent Travel
Pompeii, Capri & the Bay of Naples
Dubrovnik, the Dalmatian Coast & Montenegro
Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence
Lisbon, Oporto and the Douro Valley
Lake Garda, Venice & Verona
Spain
Prices correct as of 30 January 2015
As in 1942, Germany must show restraint over Greece

As in 1942, Germany must show restraint over Greece

Mussolini tried to warn his ally of the danger of bringing the country to its knees. So should we, says Patrick Cockburn
Britain's widening poverty gap should be causing outrage at the start of the election campaign

The short stroll that should be our walk of shame

Courting the global elite has failed to benefit Britain, as the vast disparity in wealth on display in the capital shows
Homeless Veterans appeal: The rise of the working poor: when having a job cannot prevent poverty

Homeless Veterans appeal

The rise of the working poor: when having a job cannot prevent poverty
Prince Charles the saviour of the nation? A new book highlights concerns about how political he will be when he eventually becomes king

Prince Charles the saviour of the nation?

A new book highlights concerns about how political he will be when he eventually becomes king
How books can defeat Isis: Patrick Cockburn was able to update his agenda-setting 'The Rise of Islamic State' while under attack in Baghdad

How books can defeat Isis

Patrick Cockburn was able to update his agenda-setting 'The Rise of Islamic State' while under attack in Baghdad
Judith Hackitt: The myths of elf 'n' safety

Judith Hackitt: The myths of elf 'n' safety

She may be in charge of minimising our risks of injury, but the chair of the Health and Safety Executive still wants children to be able to hurt themselves
The open loathing between Barack Obama and Benjamin Netanyahu just got worse

The open loathing between Obama and Netanyahu just got worse

The Israeli PM's relationship with the Obama has always been chilly, but going over the President's head on Iran will do him no favours, says Rupert Cornwell
French chefs get 'le huff' as nation slips down global cuisine rankings

French chefs get 'le huff' as nation slips down global cuisine rankings

Fury at British best restaurants survey sees French magazine produce a rival list
Star choreographer Matthew Bourne gives young carers a chance to perform at Sadler's Wells

Young carers to make dance debut

What happened when superstar choreographer Matthew Bourne encouraged 27 teenage carers to think about themselves for once?
Design Council's 70th anniversary: Four of the most intriguing prototypes from Ones to Watch

Design Council's 70th anniversary

Four of the most intriguing prototypes from Ones to Watch
Dame Harriet Walter: The actress on learning what it is to age, plastic surgery, and her unease at being honoured by the establishment

Dame Harriet Walter interview

The actress on learning what it is to age, plastic surgery, and her unease at being honoured by the establishment
Art should not be a slave to the ideas driving it

Art should not be a slave to the ideas driving it

Critics of Tom Stoppard's new play seem to agree that cerebral can never trump character, says DJ Taylor
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef's winter salads will make you feel energised through February

Bill Granger's winter salads

Salads aren't just a bit on the side, says our chef - their crunch, colour and natural goodness are perfect for a midwinter pick-me-up
England vs Wales: Cool head George Ford ready to put out dragon fire

George Ford: Cool head ready to put out dragon fire

No 10’s calmness under pressure will be key for England in Cardiff
Michael Calvin: Time for Old Firm to put aside bigotry and forge new links

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Time for Old Firm to put aside bigotry and forge new links