Arts and Entertainment

Stand up if you're in a mid-life crisis

How much do you know about Camille?

Take cover. The American feminist the world loves to hate has a new book out. Here's your chance to get to grips with the vital subject of la Paglia the ego

Altman: ready to weary

Cinema

CAPTAIN MOONLIGHT:The Captain's catch-up Service

WELCOME to the Captain's weekly gambol around what passes for news on this planet ... Supermarket staff in Hove laughed when a man tried to stage a hold-up with a Jif lemon. "Hand over the money or I'll squeeze," he said before fleeing ... "Sophia has six different mops - and all of them do different things," a friend of Sophia Loren's has confided ... Australians are being asked to post squashed fleas from their pets to a pharmaceutical company, which will give 50p an insect to the Animal Protection S ocietyfor a flea awareness week ... A machine invented in Manchester to detect truffles was pitted against Pascale the pig near Cahors. Pascale won by 3-2 ... Britain's most wanted grannies, Joan Payne, 74, and Winifred Bristow, 76, inveterate dodgers ofho tel and garage bills, resurfaced in Kent ... A holidaymaker told Granada's This Morning programme how she had spent an entire flight trapped to the loo by suction after she flushed it before standing up ... William Aldridge, 51, was given a one-year conditio nal discharge after admitting throwing his woolly hat at police during demonstrations against calf shipment in Shoreham ... Prisoners in Sao Paulo held three guards hostage until the governor agreed to dress up in a pink tutu ... The Polish Bald

Home truths are best Sellers

Home movies made by the late Peter Sellers, including one of him doing a spoof conjuring trick with Princess Margaret, were shown for the first time yesterday, revealing an obsessive side to the comedian, writes David Lister.

You can't keep a good celebrity down

Faye Dunaway (right) was sacked from Sunset Boulevard -then the offers of work began to flood in. So who needs good publicity? By Mark Lawson Publicity agents have always consoled clients taking a battering in the press with the ancient optimistic aphorism of their trade: "Don't read it, measure it." They believe that notoriety is as marketable a kind of fame as any other; that even bad publicity is beneficial in focusing attention on a performer.

Obituaries: Rossano Brazzi

Rossano Brazzi, actor, director: born Bologna 18 September 1916; married Lydia Bertolini (died 1981), 1984 Isle Fischer; died Rome 24 December 1994.

New-look Dior fails to suit Nineties woman

CHRISTIAN DIOR showed its spring-summer 1995 collection yesterday, on the opening day of the Paris ready-to-wear shows.

The latin lover: For thousands of post-war cinema- goers Marcello Mastroianni has been the quintessential European male. At 70, the charm still works. And his role as the great seducer turns out to have been more than just acting

HE LIT the last cigarette in the packet and ordered another cafe noir in the small garden of an hotel in St-Germain-des-Pres. At 70, the pleasures of a lifetime are not to be denied.

Obituary: Christian-Jaque

Christian Maudet (Christian-Jaque), film director, producer, scenarist, art director: born Paris 4 September 1904; five times married; died Paris 8 July 1994.

Fashion Update: The fur flies

As fur makes a comeback for next winter, celebrities continue to take public stands on the issue. Most are fashionably correct, coming out against the skin trade. Their ranks include the supermodels Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington et al, plus Kim Basinger and Brigitte Bardot.

Captain Moonlight: Real news starts here

RIGHT. Time for the Captain's Catch-Up Service, my exclusive guide to the week's other news . . . A gunman who attempted to rob a Hare Krishna temple's jewellery store in Los Angeles was set on by three members of the peace-loving sect, who broke his jaw. A police spokesman said: 'They're nice people, but don't get those Hare Krishnas mad' . . . A baby hedgehog dropped from the sky by a passing magpie on to a barbecue at Holsworthy, Devon, escaped with only a burnt nose . . . Slimmers should not lick stamps, the Shropshire Women's Institute has warned, because the gum contains 5.9 calories . . . Estate agent Jeremy Nicholls was rushed to hospital after being bitten by a caterpillar. Expert David Carter fears the insect was a brown-tail moth larva. 'They are very dangerous if they get anywhere near the eyes' he said . . . And finally, Sophia Loren, a caring mother, has installed a pounds 15,000 fish tank in her sons' Californian home so that they can enjoy their own fresh lobster . . .

Obituary: George Peppard

George Peppard, actor, director, producer: born Detroit 1 October 1928; six times married (two sons, one daughter); died Los Angeles 8 May 1994.

FILM / Rushes

A month ago, soothsayers were predicting that The Flintstones, Steven Spielberg's live-action rendering of the cult cartoon series, would do Jurassic Park box-office this summer (the film opens in the UK on 22 July). That was before the previews. Those stumbling from early screenings haven't been gasping over the state-of-the-art FX or laughing at the Stone-Age gags supplied by a record 32 writers. Older patrons especially have been irritated by the film's pandering to the kiddie crowd: as one anonymous executive puts it, 'I think you could sum this picture up in two words - young and stupid.' This is bad news for Universal, Spielberg's co-producers. Given The Flintstones' relative lack of star power (John Goodman's last four films have flopped to the tune of some dollars 200m), Universal were banking on Baby Boomers turning out in droves. With word of mouth rapidly turning from Yabba-dabba-do to Yabba-dabba-don't, they may well be tempted to stay at home instead and watch the Cartoon Network's 84-hour marathon transmission of every Flintstones episode ever made.

The benefits of being burgled

FOR A moment this week it looked as if my next television development to hit the screen might be Root Into San Francisco, and not, as had seemed likely, El Independo, Major Ron's Kama Britain ('Ciao] Major Ron here] Rock around the clock]'), or even Root Down Under.
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The Google Doodle celebrating the start of the first day of autumn, 2014.
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Sheridan Smith as Cilla Black and Ed Stoppard as her manager Brian Epstein
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Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, left, with her daughter, Bristol
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Prices correct as of 17 September 2014
Secret politics of the weekly shop

The politics of the weekly shop

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Beam me up, Scottie!

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Beware Wet Paint

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Pink Floyd have produced some of rock's greatest ever album covers

Pink Floyd have produced some of rock's greatest ever album covers

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London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice. In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence

London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice

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Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with McLaren

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Model mother

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Apple still the coolest brand

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'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

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