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Another payday lender has been rapped for misleading advertising today.

Cooper Brown: Limits

Mulligan called me from Scotland saying that he’d dumped the Lesbian Sticker Lady somewhere near Oban and that she had “got the message”.

Sport on TV: Blades of glory from Beharry but Vanilla Ice is cool customer

So they kept the champagne on ice for a week. We will just have to wait a few more hours until the man they rather misleadingly described as a "cricket legend" struts his stuff in Dancing on Ice (ITV1, Sunday). The anticipation is agonising as we wait for Dominic Cork to pop out.

Last Night's TV: Kidnap and Ransom/ITV1<br /></b>Hugh's Big Fish Fight/Channel 4<br />Michel Roux's Service/BBC2

There's something going on at ITV. Where's The Bill? Where's Kerry Katona? And what's all this about Downton Abbey? Rather like Jordan when she became Katie Price, ITV seems to be getting classier. And cleverer (or cleverer-seeming). To wit: Kidnap and Ransom, a three-part drama that boasts a cast and crew of such pedigree, it's practically BBC. Script by Patrick Harbinson (previously: Law & Order, 24, ER), and cast of television greats: Trevor Eve, John Hannah (though we'll have to wait, regrettably, until next week to see him in action) and a recently resurgent Helen Baxendale. Not bad for a channel last seen airing TV programmes like All at Sea (not that they've entirely vanished; hang around too long after Kidnap and Ransom and you'll have the misfortune of catching Odd One In, the "comedy" game show featuring Peter Andre.) Still, Kidnap and Ransom has all the makings of a classy package, and, by and large, it lives up to its promise.

Holidaypedia: I know what you did this summer ...

It's September at last &ndash; but what have we learned over the holidays? Here, Deborah Ross reveals all you need to know about the great British break. It may make you glad to be back at work

Mark Steel: Not all their careers will end in failure

It looks like the next stage of the New Labour project is for the leaders to become proper celebrities. Mandelson's doing well so far, with his advert for The Times being impressively putrid, in which he publicises the serialisation of his book by sitting in a camp Gothic pose purring "I am the Prince of Darkness". But it fails in one respect, that the reason he's called the Prince of Darkness isn't because he played Dracula in a film or always wore a cloak, it's because he really is the Prince of bloody Darkness. It's like the difference between one of the Chuckle Brothers doing an advert where he says: "I'm a nutcase I am", and one in which a similar line was said by Raoul Moat.

Last Night's TV: Kerry and Me, Channel 4<br />Gareth Malone Goes to Glyndebourne, BBC2<br />Accidentally on Purpose, E4

Kerry Katona is a curious phenomenon. She is very famous indeed, in the sense that she appears in certain sectors of the press almost daily, but is also wholly mystifying in her appeal. She is ubiquitous, though it's not clear why. Just as opaque is why Channel 4 has decided to dedicate an hour's broadcasting schedule to her. The narrator offers a semi-justification that the point is to "see what it's like to be a celebrity once no one wants you", though really it's hard to spot any purpose beyond conventional slebrity voyeurism.

The impoverished professionals: New victims of the crunch

Anybody who's anybody has a financial hard-luck story these days. John Walsh examines the new poverty. Case histories: Holly Williams

Terence Blacker: The best of British for the Olympics

Every country which has hosted the Olympics has used it for image purposes. China presented itself as powerful and organised. Australia projected a sunny yet cheerfully competitive nature. The problem so far with the London Olympics has been to decide what exactly our national brand of Britain is.

Amy Jenkins: They don't make films for people like me

Quentin Tarantino's new film, Inglourious Basterds, is out today. By all accounts it's awful – not just awful, actually, but tedious, gratuitously violent, over-long and the plot, they say, is downright daft. It features several scalpings and a scene where a swastika is carved into someone's forehead. One critic has described it as "a colossal armour-plated turkey from hell".

Charlotte Church tipped to replace Kerry Katona at Iceland

Charlotte Church is being hotly tipped by bookies today to replace Kerry Katona as the face of Iceland.

Max Clifford tells Kerry Katona to 'get a grip'

Kerry Katona's former publicist Max Clifford today urged her to "get a grip", after she was axed as the face of supermarket chain Iceland amid allegations that she took cocaine.

Why Poetry Matters, BBC2<br>Playing the Part, BBC1

Griff has little to teach us about poetry, while Denise Welch learns the hard way back at school

Chicken tikka lasagne: Fusion or bizarre?

Brazilian sushi? Italian black pudding? Melding cuisines is tricky &ndash; and the results aren't always in the best possible taste, says John Walsh

Van Day discovers that getting the public to hate you pays dividends

You can't be obnoxious enough when it comes to relaunching that stalled Eighties pop career
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Independent Travel
Pompeii, Capri & the Bay of Naples
Seven Cities of Italy
Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence
Prague, Budapest and Vienna
Lake Garda
Minoan Crete and Santorini
Prices correct as of 1 May 2015
Fishing for votes with Nigel Farage: The Ukip leader shows how he can work an audience as he casts his line to the disaffected of Grimsby

Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind

Ukip leader casts a line to the disaffected
Who is bombing whom in the Middle East? It's amazing they don't all hit each other

Who is bombing whom in the Middle East?

Robert Fisk untangles the countries and factions
China's influence on fashion: At the top of the game both creatively and commercially

China's influence on fashion

At the top of the game both creatively and commercially
Lord O’Donnell: Former cabinet secretary on the election and life away from the levers of power

The man known as GOD has a reputation for getting the job done

Lord O'Donnell's three principles of rule
Rainbow shades: It's all bright on the night

Rainbow shades

It's all bright on the night
'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

Bread from heaven

Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

How 'the Axe' helped Labour

UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
Welcome to the world of Megagames

Welcome to the world of Megagames

300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

Vince Cable exclusive interview

Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
Russell Brand's interview with Ed Miliband has got everyone talking about The Trews

Everyone is talking about The Trews

Russell Brand's 'true news' videos attract millions of viewers. But today's 'Milibrand' interview introduced his resolutely amateurish style to a whole new crowd
Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

It's time for my close-up

Meet the man who films great whites for a living