Barometer

Couple of the week?

O the trials and tribulations of the single, eligible man abroad. Poor Prince Charles on his trip to Argentina was snapped up by this voracious- looking tango dancer. It may be the dance of hot passion, but Charles looks as if he'd rather be anywhere else but in this mascara-ed creature's clutches. Keep those dance cards at the ready, girls...

Couple of the week II?

The more gentle embrace of Bill and Hillary would seem to tell a different story. But the connubial felicity suggested in this picture is allegedly far from the truth this week. Sources have reported that Hillary can no longer stand to be in the same room as Bill, let alone on the same dance floor. No doubt the only pressing of the flesh between these two at the moment is when they come to blows.

Beardless

The BBC isn't too fond of hairy creatures, or so the rumour of their beard-freeze indicates. That would explain the elusive nature of comments upon the demise of Noel's House Party: when they said "we're moving on to something different" they meant something beardless. Where will this rampant beardism stop? First it was Noel, but now are the innocent but furry Teletubbies in line for the chop? Less likely, considering that the tubby (but hairy) ones charge less and are still netting Auntie millions.

Worm of the week

The aversion to facial hair patently doesn't cross the channels. This nasty piece of work, Sheridan Booth, who struggled to win himself pounds 500 on ITV's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, not only was allowed to parade on prime-time TV with this interesting-looking nematode on his lip, but also broke one of the show's rules: he is a criminal convicted of drug- dealing and animal abuse. Perhaps the facial hair was just a feeble attempt at disguise.

Cheek of the week

Recognise this chap? It could be serial streaker Mark Roberts who was making no attempt to disguise himself when he appeared on The Vanessa Show. By revealing his naked truth to the nation, was he trying to prove that not everything on the programme is fake? Ms Feltz apologised on his behalf, but surely she should find him a regular slot - her ratings would rocket.