The 15 best Christmas cracker jokes of 2018, including gags about Trump, Theresa May and Meghan Markle

Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year?

Jack Shepherd
Tuesday 11 December 2018 12:14
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An annual competition has found that the best Christmas cracker joke of 2018 concerns the President of the United States

Other jokes among the top 15 – as voted on by 2,000 members of the public – include references to Love Island, Network Rail, Kanye West, Meghan Markle and Theresa May.

The British public was challenged by the television channel Gold to come up with a modern Christmas cracker joke, with a selection being shortlisted by a judgin panel, including critic Bruce Dessau. These were then voted on by the public, with Michael Hughes’s coming out top.

“One thing that can be relied upon in increasingly unpredictable times is that whatever is going on in the world the great British public will always retain their sense of humour,” Dessau said. “From subjects ranging from Brexit and Meghan Markle to flossing and Love Island, there are jokes here to tickle the funny bones of any Yuletide grinch. And the joke that was chosen as number one shows it’s definitely a case of Top Trumps for Christmas this year.”

The top 15 modern Christmas cracker jokes of 2018

1. What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker?

Pays her off

2. Why is Theresa May encouraging board games at Christmas?

Because she’s trying to bring back Chequers

3. Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play?

No prophet

4. What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas?

Their silence

5. When do sheep practice their new dance?

While shepherds watched them floss by night

6. What’s the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born?

The stable has had some wise men in it

7. Why does Kim Kardashian hate Christmas so much?

She’s always the butt of the Christmas cracker jokes

8. What is Meghan buying Harry, William and Charles for Christmas?

Suits

9. Why was everyone hungover after Roxanne Pallett’s Christmas Party?

She misjudged the strength of the punch

10. Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents?

Because Kanye is Trump’s favourite wrapper

11. What’s the biggest complaint about Network Rail’s Christmas seasoning?

They keep changing the thyme

12. Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year?

Because he’s tired of being in the single market

13. What’s the only thing that goes on longer than Christmas?

Harry and Meghan’s wedding preacher

14. What did Banksy serve with his Christmas turkey?

Shred sauce

15. Who won the North Pole Love Island?

Dani Deer

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