My Edinburgh: Humphrey Ker, Comedian

Reading an Edinburgh Fringe-related article in The Independent are we?

Then you, my friend, are one of two specific types of people:

TYPE ONE: Someone re-insulating their loft in 15-20 years time who finds a yellowing old copy of today's Indy wedged into a crack in the roof plaster and who, desperate for a break from the tedium, sits down and reads it cover to cover, including whatever stultifying “ Tiff Needell talks us through his love of the Ros é s of the Upper Loire Valley ” article they are using to fill the rest of this paper . If you are type one CEASE READING NOW! There is nothing here for you.

TYPE TWO: People directly involved in the Edinburgh Fringe. The sort of people looking to see if the review of their show has made it online or even into print yet. Refreshing desperately, they check again and again in the hope that one of the heartless, robotic, Indy journos tasked to pass judgement on creative endeavours has looked up briefly from its nightly bowl of budding artists' tears to listlessly type the words “hit and miss” or “charming but slight” or “THE BEST SHOW I HAVE EVER SEEN – ***” and sent it in to its Editor for publishing.

So, seeing as how you are more likely to be a type two, I have a few words of advice for you.

Eat more. You look terrible and everyone's talking about it.

For God's sake stop sleeping with everyone you meet. By the end of the Festival you will be a withered husk and nobody in C venues will be able to meet your eye.

Go see Lou Sanders in And Now For a Nice Evening with Wallan in the Pleasance Attic at 9.30. She's doing it right.

Humphrey Ker is... Dymock Watson: Nazi Smasher!, Pleasance Dome, to 14 August (0131 556 6550)