Alan Cumming recalls ‘very violent’ abuse from his father: ‘You are powerless’

Actor’s father died in late 2010

Alan Cumming has said he felt “powerless” when suffering abuse as a child at the hands of his father.

The Spy Kids star opened up about his difficult childhood in Aberfeldy, Perthshire during a recent appearance on Desert Island Discs.

The actor told host Lauren Laverne that coping with the abuse helped develop his skills for acting.

“My dad didn’t break my spirit. I feel that the qualities you need to deal with someone who is an adult who is abusing you, and you are powerless, are good qualities for being an actor,” he said.

“Listening, pretending you are not feeling what you are feeling, not showing fear.”

The 57-year-old continued: “I always knew that I was going to get out and I was going to live the life I wanted to lead. And I was helped by some of the people in this playlist today.”

Cumming added that the abuse he suffered was “very violent” and that he sometimes had “terror for [his] life”, thinking: “Oh my God, I am doing to die here.”

He said that “you just couldn’t tell” when his father would become violent. “That’s the thing with a tyrant. Constantly on edge. I could tell by the clack of his boots, the way he opened the door,” said Cumming.

“Often it would be to do with my appearance or my hair. He was obsessed with my hair. When I would go to get my hair cut as an adult I would vomit.”

The actor lost touch with his father until shortly before the filming of his episode of the BBC’s genealogy series Who Do You Think You Are? nearly 20 years later in 2010.

(Getty Images for Friends of Huds)

Ahead of filming, the actor discovered his father believed he was not his biological son. Cumming later disproved the claim with a DNA test. “The crazy thing is that none of that was true,” said the actor.

“He had made it up. I eventually had this DNA test because I didn’t believe him, and I had to then phone up my dad and tell him – and disappoint him – that I was his son. And the phone call ended and I knew he was dying. He had cancer and stuff.”

He continued: “I told him I thought he was a coward, because I had been the one to go and find out the truth – and [he] had used a fallacy that he had believed as a justification to abuse me all these years.

(Getty Images)

“So, I said all the things I could possible want to say to him, and I went to say, ‘OK, I have got to go now, take care, I will talk to you’ - and I went, ‘No I won’t, I actually won’t talk to you again - but take care.’ So, I said goodbye to him in that thing as well.”

Cumming said that after ending the call, he was delighted to realise he was wearing full drag because he was in costume for a role playing a transvestite.

“It was just perfect. I thought if my father could see me right now, it would be his worst nightmare, probably. Not anything I thought I would have to go through,” he said.

Cumming’s father died of cancer in late 2010. Their relationship was the subject of his 2014 book Not My Father’s Son: A Family Memoir.

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