In an interview onThursday 2 December, the actor and producer described how he has been having nightmares about guns and would have considered suicide if he thought he was truly responsible for the accidental shooting that led to Hutchins’ death.
“I have dreams about this constantly now. I wake up constantly where guns are going off,” he told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos. “I haven’t slept for weeks. I’ve really been struggling physically. I’m exhausted from this.”
The actor was visibly shaken recounting his experience on set, breaking into tears multiple times as he expressed his admiration for Hutchins.
“I might have killed myself if I thought I was responsible, and I don’t say that lightly,” Baldwin said, adding that, “I couldn’t give a s*** about my career anymore.”
During his interview, the actor described how, prior to the shooting, making Rust with dedicated professionals like the deceased cinematographer had rekindled his love of filmmaking after a long and draining career.
“So help me God, this made me love making movies again,” he said.
Soon, however, that joy would turn into grief.
Baldwin has asserted that he never pulled the trigger on the unexpectedly live prop gun that ultimately killed Hutchins and wounded the film’s director Joel Souza; however, during his interview, he described in detail his recollection of how the gun went off on the New Mexico film set anyway.
“I’m holding the gun where she told me to hold it,” he said, before describing how he pulled back and later released the hammer of the gun and a shot rang out.
Authorities are still investigating how live rounds ended up on the set of Rust, and how they were loaded into what crew members thought was a “cold” gun.
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“You’ve had hundreds of hundreds of millions of bullets fired on the sets of films and TV shows, and four or five people were killed,” Baldwin told ABC.
“Those deaths are tragic and abhorrent. Believe me, I would do anything in my power power to undo what was done. But I don’t know how that bullet arrived in that gun. I don’t know. I’m all for doing anything that would take us to a place where this won’t happen again.”
If you are experiencing feelings of distress and isolation, or are struggling to cope, the Samaritans offers support; you can speak to someone for free over the phone, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email firstname.lastname@example.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.
If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The Helpline is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
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