Billie Lourd honours late mother Carrie Fisher on the fifth anniversary of her death

‘I didn’t know who to be or what to do after my mom died,’ actor wrote

Billie Lourde has honoured her late mother Carrie Fisher on the fifth anniversary of her death.

In a social media post shared on Monday (27 December), the 29-year-old actor sang Fleetwood Mac’s song “Landslide”, which she and her mum both “loved to sing”.

“It has been five years since my Momby [sic] died,” Lourde wrote in the caption. “We loved to sing. We loved Fleetwood Mac. We loved this song.”

“It echoed in our living room throughout my childhood, playing slightly too loudly as she scribbled her marvelous manic musings on yellow legal pads.

“I’m working away from home right now and one night when I was having a particularly grief-y moment this song came on and the lyrics spoke (well actually sang) to me more than they ever had before,” Lourde added.

“I didn’t know who to be or what to do after my mom died. I was afraid of changing because I had built my life around her. Then she was gone. And I had to rebuild my life without her.”

In a separate post, Lourde posted a throwback photograph of herself and Fisher posing with a koala.

In the caption, she wrote: “People always ask me what stage of grief I’m in. And my answer is never simple. I’m in a different stage of grief in each moment of every day.”

“My grief is a multi-course meal with many complicated ingredients. An amuse-bouche of bargaining followed by an anger appetiser with a side of depression, acceptance for the entree, and of course a little denial for dessert,” Lourde added.

Fisher died of a heart attack on 27 December 2016. A coroner revealed that the Star Wars actor’s death was triggered by sleep apnoea and various other factors but an exact cause could not be determined.

At the time, Lourde said that her mum “ultimately” died of drug addiction and mental illness.

Fisher, 60, was taken ill on a flight to Los Angeles from London, where she was filming for the British sitcom Catastrophe.

The actor had long spoken about her battles with drug addiction and mental illness, becoming a particularly prominent voice for those who are bipolar.

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