Carry on at Cannes: Tarantino's pot shot at the British film industry

With his gore-soaked films steeped in B-movie references and smart dialogue, Quentin Tarantino is hardly the most conventional of directors. But yesterday, he turned his fire on the most unlikely target - the British film industry - as he defended the Hollywood machine.

With his gore-soaked films steeped in B-movie references and smart dialogue, Quentin Tarantino is hardly the most conventional of directors. But yesterday, he turned his fire on the most unlikely target - the British film industry - as he defended the Hollywood machine.

Speaking on the first day of the Cannes Film Festival 2004, Tarantino blamed the decline of the UK film industry on the steady stream of homegrown stars heading for America. He said: "As soon as people become stars they ... go to Hollywood."

He even cited the risqué Carry On films to back up his case, saying they marked a long-gone heyday of British cinema.

The director was revelling in his role as president of the festival's prize-giving jury, saying his appointment had made his dreams come true. "If you love cinema, this place is heaven," he said. "If there's a level above heaven, that is where I am at."

If the French were hoping he would inject some life into their festival, which was criticised last year for losing the plot with its art-house pretentiousness, they were not disappointed.

He lost no time launching his attack on the British film industry and those of every country in the world - save three. "There are only three countries in the world with sustainable film industries - America, India and Hong Kong," he said. "They have a star system, actors that citizens of the country want to pay and see. When a country doesn't have [that], you cease to have an effective film industry. Where Hollywood can be considered a bad guy is when people became stars in Britain or Hong Kong, they get the hell out of there and go to Hollywood."

His comments proved unpopular, with the English actress Tilda Swinton, also sitting on the Cannes jury, springing to the defence of the British film industry. In Britain, multiplexes offering imported blockbusters outnumbered art houses by 10 to one, she said. "It's very difficult for the audiences to have confidence in looking for another kind of cinema. It's very difficult for cinema makers ... to think of making another kind of cinema."

A UK Film Council spokesman said: "The UK film industry has a world renowned network of studios and a wealth of talent. It is a measure of the depth of that talent that it is so sought after in international blockbusters such as Troy and is able to create distinctively successful UK films such as 28 Days Later and Bend it like Beckham."

Tarantino told the conference that countries needed to produce a wide range of films, from horror to romance if their movie industry was to succeed.

"Everything else is not an industry, it's just a boutique. If you look at Britain in its heyday, you had every type of movie being made that could be made. No-one every said the Carry On films were art but they were funny."

It was a message the Cannes festival organisers themselves already appeared to have taken on board. This year, the programme unusually mixes art-house movies with blockbuster Hollywood fare such as Shrek 2 and Troy, which receives its world premiere tonight.

The sparky exchange between Swinton and Tarantino suggests fierce debate is likely among the jury, which includes the actresses Kathleen Turner and Emmanuelle Béart. Films in contention for the main prize, the Palme d'Or, include Michael Moore's latest documentary, Fahrenheit 911, and The Life and Death of Peter Sellers.

Tarantino left the press conference with a cheeky tale of his first trip to Cannes in 1992, with his film Reservoir Dogs.

He claimed that he had started a legendary brawl outside the screening of the spoof documentary about a serial killer, the Belgian movie Man Bites Dog. He said he attended the very first screening and "absolutely loved it", but when he tried to attend the second screening, word had spread and he couldn't get past the security guard. He took a swing at him, whereupon five guards wrestled him to the floor.

"I wasn't famous then, but it [the film] became famous about this fight outside of the second screening of Man Bites Dog. That was me," Tarantino announced with great glee.

TARANTINO MEETS BARBARA WINDSOR: CARRY ON MOTHERF****R!

A hospital. Enter two hitmen, dressed as male nurses

Vincent: (Jim Dale) You know what I liked about Europe? All the little differences

Jules: (Kenneth Williams) Like what, duckie?

Vincent: You know what they call a Whopper in Paris?

Jules: The only whopper I ever had in Paris was called Gervase

Vincent: They call it Le Big Burger. And if they put a fried egg on top, its Le Big ...

Jules: (distracted): I think we turn right here

Vincent: ... Burger Oeuf

Jules: Well that's charming, I must say

Vincent: And we went through Italy so fast, I didn't have time to take in the Leaning Tower

Jules: Ooooooooooo!

Vincent: This chap we have to kill. What did he do?

Jules: I heard Big Jake Baldini caught him massaging his wife's navel

Vincent: That sounds pretty innocent

Jules: Yeah, but he was doing it from the inside

Vincent: Ooooooooh!

Jules: Here we are. Room 96. On the count of three ...

Vincent and Jules crash into a private ward, brandishing enormous guns. They discover Petronella (Barbara Windsor) in her underwear, doing deep-breathing exercises by an open window.

Jules: And I will strike down with terrible vengeance on whosoever offends my ...

Petronella: Eek!

Vincent: Stick 'em up!

Petronella: (looking down) They are up.

Vincent: Stick your hands up.

She does. Her bra flies out the window and hits a policeman, who collapses in pool of blood.

Vincent: (entranced by Petronella) Phwoooooaaarrrrrr

A matron (Joan Sims) enters.

Matron: What is the meaning of this disgraceful din?

Vincent: Ding dong, carry on

Jules: Ooh matron, we're sorry. We're in the wrong room. We're actually after 69.

Vincent: Speak for yourself

Jules: Ooooooo!

Vincent: Let's all calm down and have a cup of tea. Look, here's a pot and four cups

Matron: Very well.

She picks up the pot.

Matron: Shall I be motherf****r?

As told to John Walsh