Star Wars Yoda film: a bit green, but a great leading man...

Yoda's been around for the best part of a millennium

Since Disney snapped up the Star Wars franchise, the web has been awash with speculation about what it’s going to do with its new, money-spinning plaything.

The latest whispers suggest that Yoda is set to be given his very own film. Obviously, he’s a shoo-in for the lead in a movie set in space that’s all about a little, green, magical ninja-like dude. Come on casting directors, think outside the box! This guy’s been around for the best part of a millennium – he’s got range. Don’t pigeon-hole him: give him the lead in a rom-com.

Picture the scene. In the Mos Eisley cantina, the annual talent show final is taking place. Despite having vowed to leave Tatooine, Yoda has returned for the final dance. He spots the girl he’s spent all summer teaching to rhumba. She’s sitting with her family, looking longingly at the stage. Yoda grabs her hand. “Baby in the corner nobody puts.”

OK, perhaps the lift would be a problem because of the height difference. How about a cop movie? Veteran detective Yoda has just turned 900 years old and the last thing he wants is to be teamed up with a crazy young officer with a glint in his eye and a death wish to boot. His boss doesn’t care and sends the pair to investigate the death of the daughter of one of the Jedi council. As the bullets start flying and the trail gets confused, Yoda shakes his head wearily. “For this shit I’m too old. Hmmmmmm?”

Then, for a change of pace, a costume drama. The haughty Mr Yoda initially spurns the spirited young lady Jedi. “Tolerable, she is tolerable, I suppose, but to tempt me not handsome enough.” Come on, Disney... let’s get these babies greenlit!