The Definitive Oscars 2016 Drinking Game

Drink responsibly, but also drink away the memories of all those endless technical awards

No thanks: Leonardo DiCaprio in F Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘Trimalchio in West Egg’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it

The Academy Awards are not impossible, but incredibly difficult to enjoy stone cold sober; thanks to them essentially being a 10,000-hour parade of bearded, white dudes crying and thanking their agents for their receipt of a tiny gold man.

They're also perfectly primed for the art of the drinking game; thanks to their endless predictability, inevitable awkwardness, and series of tripping hazards for Jennifer Lawrence.

Everyone's prepared mind, body, and champagne glass for Chris Rock's diversity jabs and Leonardo DiCaprio's climate change entreaties; yet even through the exhaustion and the boredom, we're drawn back every year by the indisputable glamour and thrills of Hollywood's finest gathering together to celebrate the magic of movies.

Of course, remember to drink responsibly; a rambling Jared Leto is never an excuse for binge drinking. But, if you need something to pass the time during all those technical awards, he's our definitive Oscars Drinking Game at your dispense.

TAKE A BORED SIP - every time someone calls it "Leo's year".

TAKE A DRINK - for every #OscarsSoWhite joke and the guilty, overenthusiastic laughter which follows.

TAKE A DRINK - when the inappropriate joke about Spotlight you knew was coming happens, and everyone's night is instantly ruined.

TAKE A SHOT OF A DRINK YOU HATE - each time someone refers to The Revenant's challenging shoot, just so you can share in the suffering.

TAKE A DRINK - each time someone brings up the 2016 election.

DOWN A BEER - if Tom Hardy brings his dog as his Oscar date.

TAKE A DRINK - if Jennifer Lawrence is in on the joke.

TAKE A FLAMING SHOT AND RIDE TO VALHALLA: if Mad Max: Fury Road wins Best Picture.

TAKE A SIP OF MILK- every time you spontaneously shout, "AWWWWWWWWW!", when Jacob Tremblay is on screen.

TAKE A DRINK - when someone who is clearly not friends with Emmanuel Lubezki calls him "Chivo" as if they're best buddies.

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OPEN THE CHAMPAGNE - when Leo finally wins, and the world breathes a sigh of relief.

DOWN THE CHAMPAGNE - if Leo's speech coyly references all those 'Poor Leo' memes.

DOWN ALL THE CHAMPAGNE - if Leo's speech consists of staring straight into camera, taking a single vape, and then silently leaving the stage.