Imagine Me &amp; You (12A) <!-- none onestar twostar threestar fourstar fivestar -->

Imagine not having to watch this movie, ever - that's how good life can be. Ol Parker's romantic comedy combines the picturesque London of Richard Curtis (Primrose instead of Notting Hill) with a half-hearted lesbian amour fou to ensure that just about everyone should feel offended. Piper Perabo plays Rachel who, on the very day she marries Hector (Matthew Goode), falls for wedding florist Luce (Lena Headey), leaving writer-director Parker the headache of finessing an impossibly cruel betrayal into an against-all-odds happy ending. He flunks the task utterly, and, on the way, writes some of the most lamentable "comic" dialogue anyone has ever dared. Primrose Hill looks lovely in full autumnal fig, and Goode as noble Hector, once again, emerges from a terrible movie with a certain hooray chutzpah (he did it previously in Woody Allen's risible Match Point). Heaven knows what he might do with a decent script.