The Fog (15) <!-- none onestar twostar threestar fourstar fivestar -->

This fairly risible remake has about 10 times the budget of John Carpenter's 1979 original horror and not a clue as to spooking us.

The residents of Antonio Bay are preparing the town's centenary celebrations when lo! a mysterious fog rolls in, dragging in its wake a crew of 19th-century ghouls on a mission of vengeance. Aaagh! Or rather: duh.

The dry ice is pumped in as if it were a Spinal Tap reunion gig, but still fails to shroud the tinpot clichés of the enterprise: dead dogs as omens, partying bimbos as the first victims, a whisky-swilling priest as the town Cassandra. Its title doesn't lie: dense, drab, pointless.