GARDENING / Foiling the spies next door: Do nosy neighbours spoil your fun? Put up a pergola, suggests Helen Chappell

AS THE Duchess of York can testify, nothing is more embarrassing when relaxing in one's garden than to be spied upon. Few of us are yet troubled by long-range camera lenses and hovering helicopters, but you get my drift.

Nor do we have to engage in a bout of top-less toe-sucking to arouse the interest of the nosier type of neighbour. The dreariest of activities will whip them into a lather of frenzied voyeurism. 'My God,' you can imagine them hissing to one another, 'did you see that? That's the second crossword puzzle he's finished today and she's just poured the teapot out on the rockery. Should we take a video of them and send it up to Jeremy Beadle?' If plagued by neighbours like this (and who isn't at some time?), you may feel the need to

defend yourself.

It won't do much good to resort to the law, however. In this country it is not considered trespass to watch someone or take their photograph, or even publish it without their permission. According to Nicola Charles, the television lawyer on This Morning, nosy neighbours often have the law on their side and may even be able to prosecute you. Should you be foolhardy enough to sunbathe half-naked or romp saucily through the rhubarb with a loved one, you could be in trouble. Under the Public Order Act of 1986, such behaviour could be an offence against public decency. 'It doesn't matter if you are seen starkers on your own back lawn, on private property,' Nicola Charles says. 'You are acting in public if more than one member of the public can see you. If enough people complained, you would have to prove that you didn't intend to offend, and had taken reasonable steps to avoid it.' She recalls a famous past case where outraged neighbours had called in an enviromental health officer. The official soon discovered that the garden-lovers under scrutiny could only be spotted if their neighbours climbed on top of their bedroom wardrobe.

With such horrible warnings in mind, even gardeners with only averagely nosy neighbours may feel nervous. The best solution is to frustrate prying eyes by constructing a battery of screening devices. Trellispanels arranged in a stepped pattern (tallest nearest the house), or nailed to the top of fences, are a good idea to give privacy from the sides. Climbers such as Clematis montana, Virginia creeper, Hedera helix hibernica (Irish ivy), Vitis coignetiae and the thuggishly rampant Russian vine will cover them quickly. Cold weather nudists will feel happier with an evergreen creeper like Pileostegia viburnoides or Clematis armandii.

If you can still feel strange eyes boring into you, it might help to plant a thicket of small trees. Something light and airy like birch or mountain ash would be best. Those who can't resist planting the gloomy Leyland cypress (why not?) will need to trim it twice a year at first and it serves them right. Mind you, I recently saw quite a natty striped effect produced by planting alternate specimens of Lawson cypress 'Golden Wonder' and 'Columnaris'. Then there are the taller, quick-growing shrubs like buddleia, mallow and Moroccan broom, which will shoot up in a couple of summers. If you've put it all into practice and still find you are overlooked from above, then what you need is a pergola.

Whether you choose the rustic simplicity of gnarled tree limbs, the budget DIY option with pressure-treated timber posts and lathes or something aesthetic in twiddly wrought-iron, it is nice to have found a practical use for a pergola at long last. So often they stand in splendid isolation within a garden, leading nowhere and containing nothing. Your privacy pergola, however, can be a refuge from reality within the humblest little Eden, made more romantic when smothered in passion flowers and ornamental vines such as Vitis vinifera 'Purpurea' and 'Brant'. The truly paranoid pergola-dweller may even decide to screen off the open sides with the temporary use of matchstick blinds or drapes of luxuriant fabric like a medieval tent. A bit too Cecil Beaton for some gardeners, perhaps, but what is life without a little drama?

Indeed, once the concept of the secret garden has grabbed you, you may want to take things even further. Adding some comfortable, weatherproof seating to the pergola would be good, then perhaps a small fountain or fish pool inside or just outside. This could be approached by a winding, mysterious pathway shaded by ferns and tall grasses. Bold evergreens could help create the right atmosphere in and around your secret corner, especially camellias, Fatsia japonica or a curtain of softly rattling bamboo plants. This would be an idyllic setting for some of those bold oriental planters filled with hostas, lilies and dwarf lilac. They smell good, too. No longer made anxious by any intruding gaze, the secret gardener may now tuck a few pieces of sculpture in among the foliage, hang up some aeolian wind chimes and even take to reading poetry. William Blake would be a good place to start. He and Mrs Blake used to sit out in their back garden stark naked. He said it inspired him.

The effect of all this upon the insatiably curious neighbours may be beneficial too. Though they may feel deprived of their hobby at first, they will soon adjust. There is always the television. Finding that the scandalous antics of their daytime soap opera stars have begun to pall, however, and frustrated in their attempts to examine yours, they may suddenly reverse matters in their minds. Instead of wondering what on earth you are up to, they will convince themselves that you are fascinated by what they are doing. In fact, you may well find yourself peering guiltily over the fence as they begin to erect any number of pergolas, bowers, gazebos, summerhouses and laburnum tunnels. A simple case of envious projection, you may tell yourself. Still, it might be wise to keep an eye on them, all the same.-

(Photograph omitted)