Health: Medical Mishaps

n Asking why his daughter needed further tests, a father was told: "Your last child died of cancer. Draw your own conclusions."

n During a delivery, a junior doctor was told: "Go slow, man, or you'll tear the baby's head off."

n A woman complaining of a "congested" nose was told: "Don't use long words. Use your own language, woman."

n A neurologist told the parents of a two-week-old child who had undergone prolonged resuscitation, and possibly had brain damage: "Watch her head and you will notice it shrinking over the next couple of days... all the dead brain cells are being washed away."

n To the widow of a man who had just died of a heart attack, a doctor said: "I hope you don't have any fat children who smoke."

n A man recovering from benzodiazepine addiction was asked how he wanted his life to develop. He said he would like a loving relationship with someone. He was told by a doctor that: "No woman would piss on you even if you were on fire."

n A woman diagnosed as having breast cancer was told that being six stone suited her better than being 10, and that her nipple discharge was due to "poor personal hygiene".