Heard On Air

Our one and only Mo! ... That's the first time there's been a standing ovation in the middle of the speech ... and the person getting it wasn't even making it.

TONY BLAIR

Ruscoe & Co, R5

You must not put your hand on a referee: that is a sin.

DICKIE BIRD

Nicky Campbell, R5

It shows a total lack of disregard for people in authority. Caller, Nicky Campbell, R5

I'll tell you a dangerous insect, it's that hepatitis bee ... a dangerous place to swim: hepatitis sea ... and a dangerous cereal? hepatitis Special K.

The Very World of Milton Jones, R4

I've always wanted to be breathalysed.

NICOLA HORLICK

In the Psychiatrist's Chair, R4

If the Church of England had got hold of the Turin Shroud, they'd have wash- ed it and put it in the jumble.

JEREMY HARDY

The News Quiz, R4

Sir Tufton Beamish always sounds to me like a lost Beatrix Potter manuscript.

ALAN COREN

The News Quiz, R4

The breasts, which feel frozen, jam-congested and lonely, begin their search for the missing lover ...

The Lyrics, WS