Heard on air

I'm all for laziness: if Mrs. Thatcher had slept more and looked into the middle distance, Britain would be a happier place.

John Bird

Quote, Unquote (R4)

I'm looking for a photograph taken in 1840: it's a photograph of black lace, taken by the light of the moon.

Mark Hayward

Ditto

Heaven is when you arrive at the Radio Theatre for a pleasant evening's entertainment; Hell is when you're asked to be on the panel.

Head of BBC Light Entertainment Jonathan James Moore

Worldly Wise (R4)

I do think it's vital to have flawed characters in the House of Commons.

Ex-MP MichaeBrown,

The Moral Maze (R4)

If you come from a working-class family, you don't paint bloody pictures, do you? It's sissy. Like playing tennis.

Sir Terry Frost

Front Row (R4)

The Twist is putting out a cigarette with both feet, coming out of the shower and drying your bottom with a towel.

Twist and Shout (R2)

Phone us, or send a fax or an e-mail. For pigeon post, it's out the window and right.

Ken Bruce (R2)

What connects a famous Peruvian, a sickly Scots queen a Portuguese japonica and a full English breakfast?

Nick Clarke

Round Britain Quiz (R4)

(Answer: Marmalade)

People will have to take my excess weight as they find it.

Marjorie Antrobus

The Archers (R4)