Lyric Sheets

Labour's New Deal For Musicians Versus What Your Nan Says

The Government's New Deal For Musicians was launched by Tessa Jowell last week. The scheme will allow 18- to 24-year-olds to claim benefits while building a pop career.

You'll get pounds 51 per week and a pounds 15 bonus for

band funds.

Look I'll lend you a tenner but you must

stop pinching my fags.

Ministers have been made aware over the years

that pop music is one of our biggest exports.

Keep your music as a hobby. Learn a trade.

Then you'll always have something to fall back on.

...and we will actively encourage you to access

all opportunities in other media sectors.

Why don't you go on 'Stars in Their Eyes?'

So the Government will be issuing you with

the terms of eligibility for these benefits.

I don't mind you having long hair Liam -

Providing it's tidy... like Englebert's

...though naturally, a smart presentation

is always looked upon favourably.

So I've made you all these nice waistcoats

We're only too well aware of certain ah... pitfalls.

I hope you don't know anyone who takes drugs

Julian. Julian??

The PM himself used to play in a band of course

Your dad had very long hair at one time. Now...

what was his band called? Oh yes. Moody Purple.

...to correct all the damage done by the last

Government to young people's self-esteem.

Why do you all look so moody in photographs

and sing about death the whole time?

And certain industry experts will be on hand

in order to help you hone your skills.

Government help? I hope they haven't got that

John Prescott roadying for you, ha ha.

I expect we'll be seeing you on Top of the Pops.

I expect we'll be seeing you on Top of the Pops.