Music: Lyric Sheets

Adult Orientated Rock continues its takeover of the nation's airwaves. This morning, Melody Radio, London's easy-listening station becomes Magic 105.4. Critics fear that the rebranded station may become another outlet for artists already served by Virgin, Heart FM and Capital

Walrus Radio

If all the jocks took fifty discs

And played them in rotation

Do you suppose, the Walrus said

We'd have a radio station?

"I think so," said the Carpenter

"With no imagination."

"But based on our assumption

That the public have cloth ears

If we play things like Simply Red

Late Stones and Tears For Fears

We may just get away with it

For years and years and years."

The Walrus slipped a jingle in

And played a recent hit

Then followed up with "Baker St"

To compensate for it

He turned round to the Carpenter,

"See? Doesn't hurt a bit."

"A feast of eighties memories

Which we happened to acquire

A shovelful of chestnuts

On your glowing log-look fire

Ikea for the lugholes

Or a sonic remould tyre."

"That was Queen," the Walrus parped

In transatlantic voice,

"For all you folk in listener-land

Who simply have no choice

Some car insurance rubbish now

Then something from Rose Royce."

"And if there are objections,"

Said the Carpenter, "So what?

They may not like the output

But our sponsor does ... a lot

It helps to shift the product

Which is paying for his yacht."