Music: Lyric Sheets: Long Lost Lennons

One of the great Beatles mysteries has been solved. The half-sister John Lennon searched for but never found has surfaced in Hampshire. Can new discoveries be far behind?

With Lennon's long-lost sister turning up

And tabloid hacks "researching" day and night,

Events transpired to shake the showbiz world

As, one by one, the others came to light.

The Beatle's auntie Brenda was the first,

A woman in her seventies from York

Who, suddenly discovering the likeness,

Had phoned the paper saying she wished to talk.

Resemblances were spooky, they agreed:

Her hair was just like John's when he was hip,

She wore the granny glasses, like he did,

And even had the 'tache upon her lip.

All hell broke loose as brothers, sons and aunts

Emerged to plague the former star's estate.

Solicitors for Yoko held the fort

And batted off impostors at the gate.

And I myself discovered a connection

Through recent revelations from my mother:

John Lennon's cousin's auntie's sister's dad

Is also mine, so I might be his brother.

But if this is the case I don't want money,

I only cite this evidence as true:

In common with the star I often walk with

The same amount of legs, which number two