MUSIC / Lyric Sheets:The Landlord That Time Forgot

All his jokes were wartime vintage

Oft re-used and in supply

Regulars would chortle at them

None of them remembered why

Served in evenings, clad in blazer

Food . . . 'Untouched by human hand

Wife has cooked it. Ha ha, geddit?

All except the greens - they're canned'

Music? Yes quite fond of music

Said he liked that Scottish band

Very celtic, liked the rhythm

Simple Minds? 'No Jimmy Shand'

Claimed the Sixties caused the problem

Sex and drugs and all that jive

Blamed those intellectual beatniks

Singling out the Dave Clark Five

'That's not music - not to my mind

Frankly it's a bloody noise

Got no tune - you can't enjoy it

Hard to tell the girls from boys

Shower of shit this generation

Sell their mums for half a crown

If we had another war now

Most of them would just lie down

Lager? Only keep the one on

No room for a cooler-shelf

Wife drinks one for indigestion

Wouldn't touch the stuff myself

Yes sir, can I do you now sir?

Just like that] What would you like?

I resemble that remark sir]

I'm in charge] Whoops - mind my bike]'

Welcome to Jurassic Pub

The pies are cold, the lager's hot

The handlebar moustache of Satan

On the landlord time forgot

(But he never forgot Time)