The 10 Christmas songs we’re embarrassed to admit we love
For every ‘Christmas Wrapping’, there’s a ‘Mistletoe and Wine’...
Christmas is quickly approaching and the nation is hastily compiling playlists of the best festive bangers to get in a much-needed good mood.
While all Christmas songs are at least partly embarrassing by nature of being Christmas songs, there are some cool kids out there – your “Fairytale of New York”s, your “Christmas Wrapping”s.
The songs on this list, however, are decidedly not that. They’re cheesy, cringey and, occasionally a little bit weird, which is a mood I think you should go for over the festive period. If you’re genuinely embarrassed to be seen singing along to any of these, you’re in the right place.
Here are 10 of the best Christmas songs we’re all ashamed to admit we secretly love, perfectly timed for you to terrorise your family and friends with over the coming weeks…
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?” – Band Aid
Back in 1984, Bob Geldof and the kids at Band Aid thought they were releasing a nice song about the magic of Christmas and feeding the world, not realising (or maybe not caring) that Africa is actually quite big and the lyrics “there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime” just aren’t true. In theory, we should all be too politically self aware to enjoy “Do They Know It’s Christmas”, but it’s hard not to belt it out when you hear it – even if you do grimace when Bono warbles: “Well tonight thank god it’s them instead of you.” Yikes…
“Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” – The Darkness
Who doesn’t love a bit of glam rock at Christmas? “Christmas Time” is arguably the most try-hard festive song out there, but we’ll always have a soft spot for it. For one thing, it was almost entirely created so that Justin Hawkins could get away with singing the words “b*****d” and “ringpiece” on TV, which is objectively very funny. Also, I once watched The Darkness sing this on a Pointless Celebrities Christmas special, which is about as uncool (and therefore amazing) as it comes.
“One More Sleep” – Leona Lewis
Leona Lewis may be best known for winning The X Factor back when it was actually good and her belter of a debut single “Bleeding Love”, but her festival song “One More Sleep” has slowly yet stealthily wheedled its way into the Christmas musical canon over the years. Even though there’s something about the title phrase that we fully hate, you can’t deny that the song slaps.
“Jingle Bells?” – Barbra Streisand
The question mark in the title of Barbra Streisand’s version of “Jingle Bells” tells you everything you need to know about this song. Recorded in 1967, this chaotic cover is better known as “Jingle Bells (Demon Possession Version)”, where Streisand speeds through the lyrics faster than a one-horse open sleigh, throwing in plenty of adlibs and demented cackles as she goes. Every time I put this on, one of my friends will tell me to switch it off immediately because they say it feels like a festive, musical panic attack. Fun!
“Stay Another Day” – East 17
Nothing screams the Nineties more than “Stay Another Day” – honestly, with TikTok’s nostalgia obsession, I wouldn’t be surprised if we weren’t all wearing white furry parkas and black sunglasses in the next couple of months. Tony Mortimer wrote the song about his brother’s suicide, making for a surprisingly poignant and sombre number, but among the whiny voices and ludicrous video, it still manages to feel festive. Which brings us to the age-old question: is it even a Christmas song? Yes, because there are some bells at the end and there’s snow in the video. Next!
“Mistletoe” – Justin Bieber
I am reluctant to add “Mistletoe” to this list, as in my mind, any Christmas song that features the lyrics: “Shawty, with you” is irredeemable and deserves to be tried for war crimes. Unfortunately, I’ve seen the effect this song has on people and they simply love it! I accept defeat, but only on the condition that everyone is a lot more embarrassed about liking this going forward.
“Merry Xmas Everybody” – Slade
In my mind, Slade’s Christmas song is like a car crash – horrifying, yet you can’t quite look away. With Noddy Holder screeching about your rock ’n’ rollin’ granny, “Merry Xmas Everybody” is surely one of the worst, but it’s been around so long we’ve just accepted it as part of life. If you really want to push your family over the edge this year, I highly recommend this incredible YouTube version, in which the entire song is replaced with the opening lyric: “Are you hanging up your stocking on the wall?” over and over again. Carnage, guaranteed.
“A Spaceman Came Travelling” – Chris de Burgh
On paper, “A Spaceman Came Travelling” is a nice-enough retelling of the Nativity story. But there’s just something so faux-serious about the sound of it all, which I largely put down to the endless chorus of “la la la”s. Chances are your mum probably liked it when you were growing up, though, which means it’ll always have a somewhat-special place in your heart.
“Christmas Lights” – Coldplay
Coldplay’s “Christmas Lights” is only embarrassing to admit that you enjoy because it’s Coldplay – if you had no idea it was them, this would be a straight-up great song. Unfortunately, Chris Martin’s dulcet tones are pretty unavoidable, but I’m willing to accept them here (and only here) because they do work better on a festive song than any other of the band’s other regular pop numbers.
“Mistletoe and Wine” – Cliff Richard
There are few lyrics on this earth as bad as “Christmas time, mistletoe and wine/ Children singing Christian rhymes”... and yet I can’t not sing along to this. I’m blaming the mention of wine…
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments