Fears grow for Sinead O'Connor after singer posts video saying she is 'alone' and 'suicidal' living in a Travelodge

'My whole life is revolving around just not dying' says the Nothing Compares 2 U singer in candid video

Rachel Roberts
Wednesday 23 August 2017 11:09 BST
Sinead O'Connor posts candid video describing her mental health

Singer Sinead O’Connor has sparked fresh concern over her mental health after posting a Facebook video in which she reveals she has wanted to kill herself for the past two years.

The Irish songwriter, who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, took to the social media site for a tearful confessional recording, opening up about how alone she has felt since losing custody of her 13-year-old son.

In the video, posted from the Travelodge in New Jersey where she says she is now living, the 50-year-old said she suffers from three mental illnesses. “I’m all by myself, there’s absolutely nobody in my life.

“I’m now living in a Travelodge motel in the arse-end of New Jersey.

“[No one] except my doctor, my psychiatrist — who is the sweetest man on earth who says I’m his hero — and that’s about the only f**king thing keeping me alive at the moment. The fact that I’m his bloody hero ... and that’s kind of pathetic.”

O’Connor, who shot to fame in 1990 with the smash hit Nothing Compares 2 U, claims she is "fighting and fighting and fighting like all the millions of people".

“If it was just for me I’d be gone. Straight away back to my mum ... because I’ve walked this earth alone for two years now as punishment for being mentally f**king ill and getting angry that no one would f***ing take care of me.”

When O’Connor, a mother of four, lost custody of her youngest child, she made suicide threats, warning Ireland’s Child and Family Agency they would have “a dead celebrity on their hands” if they didn’t reverse their decision.

In her latest post, she describes her mental illness as being like “a drug” but said she hopes that by sharing her feelings, she can help others.

“I hope that this video is somehow helpful,” she said.

“I know that I’m just one of millions and millions of people in the world that suffer like I do that don’t necessarily have the resources that I have.”

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“I give so much love in my life ... I want everyone to see what it’s like.”

She adds: “Mental illness is a bit like drugs, it doesn’t give a s*** who you are. Equally what is worse is that the stigma doesn’t give a s*** who you are.”

She reveals her suicidal thought, saying: “I have been wanting to go for two f***ing years. I’m a 5’4” little f***ing woman wandering the world for two years by myself.

“Nobody in my f***ing life ... It’s a crime and it should not be acceptable to any man that knows me or claims to love me.”

But she adds that she intends to survive her latest crisis.

“I’m really sad and I shouldn’t be here and I know I’m just one of millions and that’s the only thing that keeps me going,” she said.

“I’m making this video because I am one of millions.

“You’ve got to take care of us ... We are doing our best like everybody else.

“Three f***ing illnesses made me suicidal ... My whole life is revolving around just not dying.

“And I’m not going to die, I’m not going to die but still this is no way for people to be living.

“I’m not doing this for me. I’m staying alive for the people that are doing this to me. If it was me, I’d be gone.”

The thousands of comments from friends and followers on Facebook and Twitter mainly expressed concern for the singer’s well-being and urged her to seek help.

Last May, the singer sparked a police investigation after she went missing after going on a bike ride with friends concerned she may have carried out her threats to take her own life.

O’Connor, who says she has not been back to Ireland for two years, has had recent financial problems and was forced to sell her Irish home in January 2017 after she reportedly owed substantial amounts in back taxes.

The singer has led a troubled life and was left devastated when her mother died in 1985 when O’Connor just a teenager. She has claimed that she and her siblings were subject to frequent physical abuse from their parents growing up in a strict Catholic household.

She has been married four times, having her four children in four different relationships and becoming a grandmother for the first time in 2015.

O'Connor has previously declared herself to be gay, but once but told the Independent she had been “overcompensating” in saying she was a lesbian and that she was “not in a box”.

In an interview with Oprah Winfrey in 2007, O’Connor revealed she had attempted suicide on her 33rd birthday in 1999.

In a later interview in 2014, she told Winfrey that she had sought second opinions on her bipolar diagnosis, and three psychiatrists had told her she did not have the condition.

Anyone feeling suicidal can call the Samaritans on 116123.

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