Poetic Licence

The National Happiness Index by Martin Newell illustration by Andrew Birch

The Government has proposed a "quality of life" barometer to measure the happiness of the nation with key headline indicators such as housing, transport, health and land use

Can we measure happiness?

Labour answers firmly, "Yes."

But in case of lingering doubt.

Try these indicators out:

Rainy day, with cup of tea

Lying in bed with small t.v.

British film, made '43

"Heppy dahling?" Terribly.

Moving out of well-loved house

Due to job-loss/errant spouse

Going back to clean the thing

Crying in car of rebound fling.

Waking without aching head

After vat of Spanish red

Having got away with it

Due to some divine remit.

Stuck on train one weekday night

Driver waiting for green light

Tannoy burbling in old norse

While you miss the latest Morse.

Local, full of Bridget Joneses

Shouting in their mobile phoneses

Smoking, drinking G.& T.

Far too noisy. (not v.g.)

Friday night at five-to-eight

Wedge in pocket, red-hot date

Just about to go for beer

Cat crawls in with torn-off ear.

Saturday in Casualty

After gardening tragedy

Sat behind two football yobs

Listening to distant sobs.

Taking all these factors in

Giving it the usual spin

Are we happy? Do we know?

Yeah. Delirious. Can I go?