Poetic Licence: The Headless Lover

The `headless' lover of Margaret, Duchess of Argyll may have his identity revealed soon. Two 1963 Polaroids of the Duchess performing a sex act showed only her lover's torso. A new book about her will reveal that the man, who is still alive, is not an ex-government minister but someone more famous.

Only the gleaming faucets

And the tiles upon the walls

Return the erotic reverb

When the headless lover calls

Did the headless lover call

In a blazer and cravat

Confusing several servants

Who could never find his hat?

But they never found his hat

Though her husband looked in vain

So sure she'd been unfaithful

With the headless man again

That headless man again

Not photographed in bed

But blatantly in the bathroom

Her husband's lawyers said

And as the lawyers read

From a lengthy list of men

I crossed myself and friends off

Since we were only 10

Yes we were only 10

And far too young for girls

Let alone the daunting Duchess

Naked except for her pearls

Naked except for her pearls?

Imagine it if you can

Disporting herself in Belgravia

With her lover, the headless man

And her lover, the headless man

What did he do in the day?

Apart from giving headless

They weren't allowed to say

No they weren't allowed to say

But it's there in some dusty file

The name of the headless lover

Of the Duchess Of Argyll.