Quotes of the Week

"You can always tell a gentleman by his shoes."

Monica Coghlan, former prostitute (above)

"I don't sit at home drinking liquor with writer's block. I don't have a bad relationship with my sister. I didn't kidnap my kid. I didn't grow up in Coney Island, and my father did not work bumper cars." Woody Allen, denying he resembles his film characters

"I don't care who he is and what he does, he's getting a ticket anyway."

Traffic warden, seeing the car of Jack Straw, Home Secretary, illegally parked

"He's the sort of person who'd give his last halfpenny to a beggar on the street."

Iris Bond, on her boss Mohamed Al Fayed

"Shoplifting is so hard when you're a celeb."

Rik Mayall, actor