TELEVISION / Tabloid Television

Burt Ward, who played Robin alongside Batman in the Sixties, has written his autobiography, Boy Wonder: My Life in Tights. In it he names all the sexual conquests of co-stars and fans notched up by himself and Batman actor Adam West. Not with Catwoman, surely?

Heavyweight doorstepper Roger Cook has discovered just how easy it is to make a nuclear bomb and has sent a copy of his new Cook Report explaining the procedure to John Major. Apparently all you need is pounds 200m to buy some plutonium, then stand back and light the touchpaper. The downside is that Cook is now receiving treatment for exposure to radiation.

Herge's bequiffed cartoon hero Tintin features in a new American bestseller in which the boy reporter gets drunk with Captain Haddock and is seduced by a beautiful woman who tells him, 'You are so strange, so hairless.' Tintin is 12 years old.

Jeremy Beadle, who was stopped by an officer for jumping a red light, claimed in court that he thought the police were playing a hilarious joke. And he got off. His lawyer commented, 'This has been no fun for Jeremy at all.'