THEATRE: CURTAIN CALLS

"Like Webster's Dictionary, we're Morocco bound." The old gags are the best and they don't come hoarier than this, from Road to Morocco, the third and best of the six Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour vehicles. Don't worry, no one has been stupid enough to put them on stage, but as almost every movie ever made is being turned into a musical - including a threatened Jean de Florette (you think I'm kidding? I'm not) - it's only a matter of time. Personally, I'm waiting for the rights to Airport '77 and The Poseidon Adventure to become available, but can Shelley Winters sing? Quite what that has to do with the sensationally sinister Shockheaded Peter is a moot point, but last season's critical and box-office smash is now Broadway bound. This autumn, you could leave on a jet plane and hie yourself unto the New Victory Theatre on 42nd Street (natch). More sensibly, don't wait. Just rush to the Lyric Hammersmith for Improbable Theatre's unforgettably gory glory of thrills and chills based on the gorgeously macabre Struwelpeter stories, with shiveringly eerie music by The Tiger Lillies. You could also nip over to Hamburg for the foreign language version. You thought it was scary when they cut the puppet's thumbs off in English. Imagine what it'll be like in German.

Lyric Hammersmith, London W6 (0181-741 2311) to 10 Apr

David Benedict