Edinburgh Fringe: How is the festival going so far?

Plan as if you were going to war, winkle out the discounts, and never break cardinal rule No 1... Veteran festivalgoer Chris Bratt continues his oldies’ guide to the world’s biggest arts event

Aye wire: entertainment on the Royal Mile comes with a twist. And sock suspenders (Getty)

We seem to be seeing fewer shows this year. Fifteen in five days.

I have put it down to being more selective, although someone else in the party has had the effrontery to suggest we are getting older and our knees are reacting to the cobbled streets in ways hitherto unknown. The truth probably lies somewhere between the two.

How do you keep track of your schedule, no matter how long you are staying?

First, The Book. Famous in the Friends of the Fringe office. Honed over many years, it is a vital part of the planning process. Although it could all be done on a laptop, tablet or mobile phone, there is still a lot to be said for a book and pencil with a rubber in the top. (Once defined as the embryonic computer.) Old technology, it’s true, but far easier to refer to when under an umbrella. We’ve seen owners of smart technology struggling to open their tech with one hand, umbrella in the other. And we have had recourse to an umbrella every day so far. The book has a page a day secured with an elastic band at the day in question, with start and finish times of shows, venue, number of tickets, suggested restaurant and time(s) to eat and comments. It’s an old fart’s spreadsheet equivalent. Or a diary.

Then, The Box. Purchased many years ago at the charity shop in Forrest Road (opposite the eating institution, Mums) the box is packed with stationery items like Sellotape, post-it notes, scissors, pencils, pencil sharpener, pens. It is unpacked on arrival and dividers are cut from the first cereal packets purchased and day/date labelled. Tickets are then filed in date and time order. It’s a bit like a military operation. But it works!

Well, sometimes! Even with all this security, we have already managed to book for one show twice on the same day! So we have two free tickets for A Hundred Different Words for Love for the 4.30pm performance at Summerhall on Thursday for the first to ask.

And talking of security. Edinburgh has tightened up visible security: concrete blocks at entrances, a visible police presence and bag checks at entries. On Monday, the whole of the Pleasance Courtyard venue was cleared for an unstated emergency at about 8.20pm, just as comedian Tom Allen had got into his stride in the Cabaret Bar. We obediently filed out and into the street. As it was clear we would not be getting back in, we found the nearest pub. We sat outside with a number of flyerers (who were fascinated to hear my ruses for avoiding them) until 9pm when Edinburgh licensing laws insist that you should go inside. As we were booked for a 10.30am show the following morning, we made our excuses and left.

Cardinal Rule No 1: never book an early morning show (and, yes, here 10.30am is considered early) if you’ve had a late night show the night before. I’ve already broken Cardinal Rule No 1. It will not be the only time either.

We seniors on fixed incomes do like a bargain which is why we will shop at Aldi or Lidl but take carrier bags from Sainsbury’s so the neighbours don’t know. And there are a number of bargains to be had at the Fringe. Two shows in particular that offer bargains are Mervyn Stutter’s Pick of the Fringe, (Pleasance Courtyard) and Big Bite Breakfast Show (Pleasance Dome). Mervyn offers you tasters of at least five shows for your one ticket. He presents all genres, drama, comedy, music, conjurers and clowns – all in one glorious 90 minute mix; Mervyn of the famed pink suit has been fronting the show for 26 years and has a devoted following – he interviews the performers after their act and they hand out flyers at the door. And it’s at lunchtime, rather civilised.

Big Bite Breakfast on the other hand, is at the somewhat less civilised time of 10.30am so to persuade you to make an early start, they offer you strawberry, croissant and tea or coffee as part of the ticket deal. Then they perform five short new plays in a variety of styles. The writing and acting is simply superb and there are three different menus, which means you can get three “free” breakfasts on three successive days. (But remember Cardinal Rule No 1) They also offer discounted rates of their lunch time menu of four of their greatest hits 2006-2011. And also at lunch time one of the actresses performs an extended version of a previous breakfast short: Izzy’s Manifestos. Well worth the punt!

And don’t forget to ask for your concession on tickets, typically £2 per ticket. You won’t get asked whether you are in receipt of a pension and over 60 to avoid embarrassment on either side. It would be nice – just once – to be contradicted when asking for an old person's rate: “Oh surely not, sir.” But it’s never happened. Hope yet springs eternal.