After a night of soul-shattering disappointment (Rashford, Saka, Sancho, we still adore you), we started Sunday’s episode looking at new boy Teddy to bring some relief. Following a rocky week in the villa, the ashy embers of relationships strewn across the fake lawn, our unlucky four were offered the opportunity for a sit down with the most suave man to have ever walked the earth.
Let’s be honest. Teddy is a God of a man. His radiant charisma was so strong, I felt like he was flirting beyond the television, at me and my boyfriend. Already this has proved a lot for Sharon, Kaz, Rachel and Faye, who have all fallen prey to Teddy’s Galaxy-smooth chat. You know it’s bad when a man can make a woman so horny, they openly talk about being able to self-manifest orgasms. I’m looking at you Rachel…
In the immortal words of Kaz: “Girl code has been thrown out of the window,” and as Faye walked in holding Teddy’s hand, the girls could smell blood. It wasn’t just the girls who could sense a change in atmosphere. I’ve been watching Love Island long enough to know when the boys feel competition in the alpha pack. Teddy’s entry is already setting nerves on edge. What gave this away? Could it have been the fact that he openly said he’d steal Brad’s girl? That within five minutes of a one-on-one with Rachel, they were talking foreplay and sexual preferences? This man is sex on a stick and I suspect the villa will not be the same again.
I certainly won’t be. ITV2 does not often pander to the Female Gaze, but hearing Teddy ask Faye if he could look at her eyes again was the perfect amount of cheese and knee-shaking romance, we all need. But enough about Teddy. He is literally just one man.
Also not the same after last night’s episode is Toby’s innocence, which has been cruelly snatched away by Chloe and her public outing of his large [redacted]. At some point in the distant future, I will have to eventually start liking Chloe and Toby as they might be in it for the long run, however I’ll allow myself to hold onto this unnecessary grudge for a little longer. What is Love Island without a sprinkle of internalised misogyny and a little spite? At this point, their new coupledom is pressing all of my buttons.
As the ill-fated buzz of “I’VE GOT A TEXT” echoes through the villa, tonight’s recoupling will see one of our babe-squad sent home. It’s going to be a race to the finish line as our beloved foursome scramble for Teddy’s heart and a place on the island. Will it be Sharon, Faye, Kaz or Rachel who reign victorious as Teddy’s chosen one, or could another Islander cause his head to turn? Whatever happens, it will be a bittersweet distraction from the results of last night’s Euro 2020. Grealish, I don’t know how your diary is looking, but maybe a little holiday in Mallorca could be all the recovery time you need….
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