The year is 2021. A virus has changed our way of life as we know it. The climate crisis is causing iron girders to melt in the street. The former clown president of the United States has been banned from Twitter, and England have won 2-0 against Germany in the Euro quarter finals. In short, nothing is shocking anymore. And yet, here we are.
Tuesday’s cliff-hanger left us with a standoff between Oxfordshire’s answer to Kourtney Kardashian, Chloe, and our coupled-up babes as she chose which hunk to steal. Her choice of Aaron, a man so dull, he struggles to make VIP events sound interesting, might not have set off fireworks but the consequences were seismic. Who could have known that this decision, simple in practice, ruthless in execution, could have the effect it did. As Liberty and Faye breathed a sigh of relief, our unbothered queen Shannon drank what would be her last sip of prosecco.
Just as soon as she’d settled into her newfound singledom, the masochists at ITV2 delivered the fatal blow. Shannon had been dumped from the island, and quicker than you could say Ctrl Alt Delete, she was gone.
It was Shakespeare that once said, “Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow,” and in the case of Shannon, no phrase rings truer. The first casualty of a Love Island dumping, the nation’s early favourite Shannon walked out of the villa with her head held high but her dreams of a BooHoo contract in tatters.
If this episode started with endings, it also promised new beginnings. For Kaz and Toby, it was a chance to take things further, with the Love Island gods bestowing upon them the gift of a Covid-secure outdoor picnic sans food.
Alongside Liberty and Jake, Kaz and Toby seem one of the few couples close to setting off a spark. But as the two of them flirted across the picnic blanket something seemed... off. If there’s one thing a millennial viewership will know, it’s how to spot a red flag, and Toby’s affectionate reticence towards Kaz is sending alarm bells ringing. Yes, it’s only day three, but this is Love Island, not Cautiously-Wait-An-Appropriate-Amount-Of-Time-To-Spoon-Someone-So-They-Don’t-Get-The-Wrong-Idea Island. Here’s hoping Toby is able to work through some of his commitment issues before a well-oiled gym machine walks into the villa and gives Kaz the attention she deserves.
But the drama did not end there. At the sexy beer pong match, our resident Herculean Fantasy Brad decided to nuclear-detonate his nice guy image on a whim. Enacting out my personal anxiety dream made flesh, Brad decided to publicly place a Judas kiss of death and deceit upon Faye, declaring her the girl he finds least attractive in the villa.
If this all sounds small fry, you’re wrong. Even in the rich lore and history of Love Island, this act of open hostility towards Faye, a woman he chose to couple up with of his own volition, is unprecedented. But if there’s one thing this villa loves more than a villain, it’s the righteous anger of a woman scorned. With an opening gambit of “your personality is stinky’’, our Archangel of Vengeance Faye isn’t letting Brad off the hook, and neither are we. As we await with bated breath the arrival of Chuggs (more on that tomorrow) and Liam, Shannon’s shock departure and our first fight of the season might be heralding the return of the Love Island we so know and love.
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