Seinfeld at 25: The show's best quotes

'Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it'

Dan Gledhill
Thursday 03 July 2014 17:05
Jerry Seinfeld played himself
Jerry Seinfeld played himself

Seinfeld first aired 25 years ago this week, and would go on to inspire legions of imitators and disciples.

It also made a load of us laugh.

Below, we celebrate the juiciest lines from Jerry and co.

Elaine Benes: "I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian" –

George Costanza: "I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.'"

George Costanza: "I've driven women to lesbianism before, but never a mental institution"

George Costanza: "You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect"

George Costanza: "Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.”

Jerry Seinfeld: “You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.'”

Jason Alexander as George Costanza, Jerry Seinfeld as himself, Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine Benes and Michael Richards as Cosmo Kramer

George Costanza: “When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy.”

Jerry Seinfeld: “That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”

George Costanza: “This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her.”

George Costanza: “I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off.”

Jerry Seinfeld as himself, Michael Richards as Cosmo Kramer

George Costanza: “If you can't say something bad about a relationship you shouldn't say anything at all.”

Kramer: “I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!”

George Costanza: "The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli..."

Jerry Seinfeld: “Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.”

Jerry Seinfeld: "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away."

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Jerry Seinfeld as himself and Jason Alexander as George Costanza

Frank Costanza: "You have the chicken, the hen, and the rooster. The chicken goes with the hen... So who is having sex with the rooster?"

George Costanza: "I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham."

Newman: Just remember, when you control the mail, you control... information."

George Costanza: "I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up."

Jerry Seinfeld: "You, my friend, have crossed the line between man and bum."

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine Benes

George Costanza: "You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist."

Jerry Seinfeld: "Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?"

Jerry Seinfeld: "Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour."

George Costanza: "Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."

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