Benedict Cumberbatch has answered Sherlock fans' prayers by describing in glorious detail how the super-sleuth would fare in bed.
The British actor plays the lead in the hit BBC drama but, tragically for all the infatuated women (and men) out there, the detective resolutely refuses to let sex distract from his investigations.
"[Sherlock]'s asexual for a purpose, not because he doesn't have a sex drive, but because it's suppressed to do his work," Cumberbatch told Elle magazine. "Cold showers, looking at a lot of dead bodies…that'll do it for you."
But when the theory was put to him that a night with Sherlock would be a huge anti-climax, the 38-year-old set out to convince all doubters that his character would know "exactly how to please a woman".
Confirming that yes, Sherlock would practice safe sex, Cumberbatch believes he would "test the latex beforehand".
"I'd do a little experiment to do with durability, length, girth and um, strength," he said, adding that he would take vitamin supplements "to make sure that [he] could perform", ensure he got plenty of sleep, abstain from cigarettes and alcohol, watch a "lot of porn" and "shave, um, areas to fit in with a modern idea of bodily hair".
But Cumberbatch was on an imaginative roll and had yet to reach the 'main event'. "I would be devastating," he said, confidently.
"He knows bodies very well. I'd know exactly where to put my fingers, where to put my tongue, where to put my – his I should say – his fingers, his tongue.
"I'd know exactly how to get that person into it and get pleasure out of making that person feel pleasure. It would be explosive."
Get your tissues at the ready though, as Cumberbatch was quick to confirm that said sex scene will "never" feature on Sherlock.
"It's not that kind of programme, is it?" he says, to the tune of thousands of sobbing fans.
The full interview with Benedict Cumberbatch can be read in Elle's December 2014 edition, on sale from today.
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