Men reveal the biggest changes they made to be better at dating

A lot of men struggle with dating. Some strike out more often than not, while others find themselves moving from short-term relationship to short-term relationship.


Lisa Ryan
Friday 24 March 2017 20:05 GMT

A lot of men struggle with dating. Some strike out more often than not, while others find themselves moving from short-term relationship to short-term relationship.

But as it turns out, making some simple changes can help men become more successful in the dating arena.

This week on Reddit, a group of men shared the hurdles they had to overcome before they could become successful at dating. Here are some of the best responses.

They had to lower their expectations for first dates.


One reason why certain men are unsuccessful at dating is because their expectations are too high, particularly when it comes to first dates, according to Reddit poster RiggsBoson.

“Don't expect anything,” RiggsBoson wrote. “If you go into any first date expecting one thing or another, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Allow yourself to be surprised, and challenge yourself to welcome negative surprises as you welcome positive ones.”

They had to “invest” in themselves.

(Flickr/Alan Light

It's often said that before someone can love you, you need to love yourself. And so, if you aren't taking care of yourself and it shows, it can be hard to attract a mate.

“Getting in shape, eating well, buying new clothes, etc. all cost money, and dating itself costs money, too,” Reddit poster LEIFey wrote. “I had to come to terms that this was an investment, and that I wasn't going to see any dividends until I put some money, time, and effort into it.”

They had to step out of their comfort zone.

(Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

For those who identify as introverts or are shy, it can be hard to feel comfortable with people you don't know. And, the idea of going to bars or clubs makes some of them break out in hives.

“If you only do what's comfortable you will never succeed with women,” 2DFitness wrote. “Took me 6-12 months before approaching girls was 'natural' to me. I wouldn’t say you ever fully get over the anxiety but it ends up being mixed with excitement.”

They had to put their ego aside.


Some men avoid dating because their egos can't handle the rejection that comes with putting themselves out there.

“You have to be willing to put up with rejection and handle it with dignity. Sometimes, you have to put your heart in the palm of your hands, say, 'Hey, what will you do with this?' and let her slap it out,” wrote goaheadstumpmyday.

They had to stop seeing dating as a competition.

(Hazir Reka/Reuters

Romance is not a competitive sport — but some men struggle to see it as such.

“I know a lot of competitive people who suck... at dating because they see dating as a competition between other men, their partners, and everyone. Dating is not a competition.

The second you start trying to compare yourself to other guys or your partner, you will lose,” wrote RampagingKoala.

They had to start holding themselves accountable.

(Strelka Institute for Media

Some Reddit users had to learn the hard way that the world doesn't “owe” them anything.

To find success at dating, they had to learn to put in the hard work and hold themselves accountable for where they are in their lives.

“I had to learn personal accountability. I used to think the world owed me happiness. I was not as good a person as I could have been then. Success — romantic, professional, or in any endeavor, takes introspection and work,” wrote MightyGamera. “You have to bring something to the table.”

They had to become more assertive.


Sitting back and passively waiting for the perfect relationship to come your way rarely works. Instead, to be successful at dating, men need to actively pursue what they want.

“What I did to become more successful than I was, I quit passively waiting for something to happen, I took initiative and realized that if you really want it, then prove it. That will not only make you stronger, it'll make it more meaningful to whomever you have feelings for,” wrote Zackeezy116.

They had to appear more confident.


Not all of us are born with a natural confidence. But, insecurity can often scare off a potential mate. And so, when it comes to dating, it's important for men to at least act as if they are confident — until they finally become confident.

“It's not about confidence per se, it's about perceived confidence,” wrote ChitPostingAnon.

They had to become more disciplined.

(US Army via Wikimedia Commons

Before a person can get their romantic life in order, they often need to figure out other aspects of their life first — whether it's work, friends, school or their living situation.

“Become extremely disciplined in important areas of your life to be content with yourself before dating anyone,” wrote theCHAMPdotcom. “You can't be happy with another if your not with yourself. Often times this leads to projecting.”

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