Poetic licence: The shop-an-MP scheme

The culture of informing upon your neighbours has been stepped up by Peter Lilley's new call to shop benefit fraudsters. Perhaps it could go one step further

Is your MP being useless?

Does he rest long on his laurels

Cruising the street

In a fugg of deceit

Questioning everyone's morals?

Ring up our Hypocrite Hotline

We've been too soft for too long

What if his farm

Harbours guns for Saddam?

Not ringing in would be wrong

Who was that girl in his window?

Maybe she isn't his spouse

Is he out luring

While claiming he's working

Sitting long hours at the house?

What does he do in the Cabinet?

Keep a close eye on affairs

Does his oration

Prech rat-upon-nation

While he holds undisclosed shares?

Find out who ghost-wrote his memoirs

Did he announce his advance?

What little favour

Allowed him to savour

Chablis-soaked sojourns in France?

Ringing the Hypocrite Hotline

Should make the matter more clear

Easily proving

If lips are not moving

Most will have nothing to fear?