I used to laugh at the lockdown runners – until I got weighed

With a second wave approaching, Jenny Eclair is in the market for some fancy sports gear

Running became popular when Britons were limited to one form of outdoor exercise a day (Getty)

I have had a difficult relationship with joggers ever since the pandemic forced the exercise freaks out of the gym and on to our streets. I disliked the way they swarmed through the parks approaching from behind, panting like asthmatic pugs, sweat flying.  

I coined the acronym NAR, which stood for “not a runner”, to describe those who were obviously struggling and didn’t look built for the task – big-breasted women and men with rickety ankles, cracking audibly with every step. I secretly laughed at people who were determinedly jogging, despite not being equipped in any way whatsoever, and this included “ladies of a certain age” who were having a go despite refusing to leave their handbags at home, hahaha.

And then I got weighed. I didn’t want to get weighed, I was doing some filming for a TV travel show in Wales and one of the activities involved specialist equipment that necessitated standing on some scales, so I didn’t have any choice. They wouldn’t even let me take all my clothes off, I was weighed in my boots, great big heavy boots and my hugely heavy shirt and massively weighty dungarees, yeah, dungarees, OK?