Mea Culpa: All I want for Christmas is a decent festive pun

Sub-editor Zak Thomas on questions of style and usage in this week’s Independent

Tall order: workers place lights on the Christmas tree outside parliament earlier this month (Getty)

John Rentoul is taking a deserved break from style pedantry this week to focus on issues such as the government’s so-called response to the pandemic. 

I have written before about my dislike of “so-called”, but it looks like I’m fighting a losing battle on that front. John used it twice in one sentence this month and I have to admit that I quite enjoyed it. Besides, there are more important style matters that require urgent attention.

’Tis the season to be shoddy: With Christmas on the horizon, you will start to see these pages littered with festive puns. Some of them will be brilliant; others might feel tired. But don’t worry: I’m making a list, I’m checking it twice, I’m gonna find out if we’ve used a pun twice. A quick look at our Daily Edition archive shows that we’ve used “’tis the season” in nine separate headlines over course of four years. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t celebrated nine Christmases in that time. I’ve had a chat with the subbing council and I can gladly report that The Independent has introduced a strict quota of one ’tis a year. It looks like Christmas has come early as the phrase has been used twice over the past week – that was before the crackdown came into force.

Love is blind: It has been brought to my attention that one reader (Beryl Wall from London) has a particular dislike of “loved ones”. I’ve not really given the term much thought but I understand why it causes such rage when “friends and family” would be perfectly adequate. At the beginning of last week, this publication reported that the prime minister would set out how the public could see loved ones over Christmas. A deeper look into the problem reveals that we’re in the middle of a full-scale style crisis. On Wednesday, the term appeared on The Independent website seven times (three of those were in one article). Beryl, don’t worry, you are not alone in this fight. A new campaign starts now.

Starmer drama: A few months ago, the Labour leader’s knighthood would appear intermittently on these pages, but I’m delighted to say that it looks like we’ve finally got the hang of his antiquated title. Sir Keir Starmer is getting the stylistic respect he deserves. If we scrapped the honours system, we wouldn’t have to bother with such silliness.

The old ones are the best: I realise this week’s Mea Culpa has been rather intense, so I leave you with this absolutely outstanding error. In Wednesday’s Daily Edition, our Birthdays page noted that Sir Peter Wright, director laureate of Birmingham Royal Ballet, was celebrating his 943rd year on this planet. I can confirm he is not the oldest person to have ever lived.