Mother questions whether it was wrong to exclude daughter’s ‘bully’ from her seventh birthday party

She says bully’s mother asked if she would reconsider invite if child wrote an apology

A woman has questioned whether she was wrong to not invite a classmate who has bullied her daughter to the child’s upcoming seventh birthday party.

The parent, who goes by the username u/Opposite-leg2854, posed the question to the Reddit subreddit AITA [Am I the A**hole], where she asked: “AITA for not inviting one child from my daughter’s class to a party?”

In the accompanying post, the 28-year-old mother explained that her six-year-old daughter Payton attends a small school with 20 children in her grade, and that, ahead of her seventh birthday the next month, she’d sent out invites to all of her classmates except one.

According to the Reddit user, the reason they decided to exclude the child in question is because she has bullied Payton on a number of occasions. “The student we did not invite has bullied Payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). Obviously Payton doesn’t want this kid at her party,” she wrote.

However, the decision to exclude Payton’s classmate from the party ultimately got back to the child’s mother, who called Payton’s mother. During the phone call, the other parent said that her daughter was crying and upset to be the only child in class not invited, especially considering “Payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top”.

In response, the Reddit user said she reminded the fellow parent that her daughter has bullied Payton in the past.

“The mother said I’m teaching my child to be a ‘bully’ and use her wealth to make friends. I disagreed,” she continued, before revealing that the child’s mother then asked whether she would reconsider inviting her daughter if she had her write an apology to Payton. “The mother then asked if she had her daughter apologise and write Payton a letter we could reconsider,” she wrote. “I told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time I see the mom.”

Payton’s mother concluded the post questioning whether she was wrong in the situation. However, she then edited the post to offer additional details, with the mother revealing that “invitations were not handed out in the classroom,” but rather “handed to parents directly”.

She also included examples of the bullying that has occurred, which she said including an instance when Payton came home crying because the girl had told her she was “chubby” and “wasn’t pretty”.

“Payton has come home crying several times because the girl has told her there’s no way she’s a cheerleader (Payton does cheering on weekends) because she wasn’t ‘pretty,’” the mother continued, before referencing another instance where the classmate tried to exclude Payton from playing with the other children.

According to Payton’s mother, the child has also called her daughter a “crybaby”.

“And this is only a couple of the incidents that happened,” she said.

On Reddit, where the post has been upvoted more than 19,000 times, thousands of users have weighed in, with many assuring Payton’s mother that she is not the wrong one in the situation, and that she is actually teaching her daughter boundaries.

“Your daughter has every right to feel safe at her party. This is a thing this girl is going to miss out on and she’s upset about that. Which I guess is understandable but here is the thing: mum didn’t offer an apology before the party. Didn’t pull her kid in line before the party and when it was brought up repeatedly with the school. She is only doing it now because her kid is the ‘victim,’” one person wrote. “Your kid deserves not to be walking on egg shells at her party. And I absolutely loath when parents continue to put their kids in contact with their bullies/abusers. Children or not. Your child deserves to feel safe.”

Another person said: “You’re teaching your daughter to draw boundaries when someone is mean, and you’re teaching her daughter that actions have consequences. With the mother’s enabling attitude, I’m not shocked her daughter is how she is.”

According to someone else, the mother is “NTA” because she is teaching her child “healthy boundaries”. “You’re teaching your child healthy boundaries at a young age, good on you! Don’t ever let her think she has to play nice with people who are cruel to her!” they wrote.

Others took issue with the fellow parent’s suggestion that their child write an apology to Payton so she could be invited, with many claiming the parent does not actually care about correcting their child’s behaviour.

“Why didn’t the mum offer this apology BEFORE when the bullying happened multiple times?” one person asked, while another said: “The other mother should have had her daughter apologise for the bullying (in person and a letter ideally) when the issue began. Offering to have her daughter apologise now would basically be teaching her daughter that an apology isn’t to show actual remorse for her actions or words but just to gain something in return.”

“Sounds like an excellent opportunity for the other child’s mom to explain consequences to her child,” someone else wrote.