Woman defended after not allowing daughter to alter her wedding dress

‘You promised her your dress, not a piece of fabric which can be moulded into something else,’ one person responds on Reddit

A woman has been defended after she refused to let her daughter make changes to her wedding dress.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, the parent asked if she was in the wrong for not letting her child “significantly alter [her] wedding dress”. After noting that her daughter and her girlfriend are getting married later this year, the parent explained that she “always dreamed of walking” her child down the aisle, since her husband passed away when his daughter was a child.

She noted that when her daughter was younger, she loved planning her future wedding, which included “picking flowers and colours and venues”. She then explained how she previously spoke to her daughter about the wedding dress.

“She loved watching the videos of my wedding and seeing me and her father get married and it was important in our bonding,” the mother wrote. “When she was 13, I promised her my wedding dress.”

According to the Reddit poster, her child’s clothing style changed as she got older, as her daughter “refused to wear dresses or skirts” and even tried to “demand her school to allow her to wear trousers” in her teens. After claiming that her daughter had “gone through different phases,” such as wanting shorter hair and tattoos, the parent said she was “very supportive” of her child.

AITA for not allowing my daughter to significantly alter my wedding dress
byu/Comfortable_Love8350 inAmItheAsshole

“I have encouraged her as much as I can. I am contributing significantly to the wedding,” she wrote.

She noted that she recently called her child about the dress, since it would “likely need slight alterations”. From there, she discovered the “bombshell” about her daughter wanting to change the dress, which the Reddit user revealed she wasn’t happy about.

“She wanted to wear a SUIT and have my wedding dress altered to remove the skirt portion so that the bodice could be worn with trousers,” the parent continued. “At first I agreed, but dragged my feet bringing the dress over. After a few weeks, I changed my mind and told her that the dress was important to me and I didn’t want her to ruin it.”

The parent explained that when she initially offered to let her child wear the dress, it was only if it was worn “as a dress”.  She added that while she offered to let her daughter’s girlfriend wear the wedding dress, her daughter said it “would still ruin” the outfit, since more altering would need to be done.

She concluded by noting that her daughter is still upset with her, and that she’s been receiving criticism from her family for not allowing her child to turn the dress into a suit.

“[She] has since not been answering my messages except with saying that the dress would be a connection to her dad so she is disappointed not to have it,” she wrote. “I offered to go dress shopping with her for a replacement but apparently some of our family think I am stopping her from having the dress because I disagree with her being masculine.”

The post has quickly gone viral on Reddit, with more than 2,000 upvotes. In the comments, many people defended the mother’s decision to keep the dress, while also noting that they understand why the bride-to-be wants to change the outfit.

“There is a difference between a dress and a length of cloth. You promised her your dress, not a piece of fabric which can be moulded into something else,” one wrote.

“Basically, you want your wedding dress to remain a dress. And your daughter would like to incorporate it into her wedding outfit, but she doesn’t want it to be a dress anymore. If you allow her to alter it, it will still be a family heirloom - but it won’t be a vintage dress,” another added. “I think you’re within your rights to simply tell her that the dress has terrific sentimental value to you and you’d like it to remain intact.”

“You offered to ‘lend’ or let her ‘use’ your dress - not tear it apart in a way that destroys it forever. This dress is yours, with living, breathing memories attached to it. If it cannot be returned to you in its original state, then NO, you are not the [a**hole] for changing your mind about this. You might need to ask a professional seamstress about what is possible,” a third added.

Other people gave ideas for what the bride could wear on her big day that would help her feel close to her late father, with one writing: “Do you still have her father’s suit? Maybe not the wedding suit but any of them? Surely that would be a better way to connect to her father, and fit her style at the same time.”