Woman defended for banning friend’s child from birthday party

‘When a person chooses a lifestyle, they have to deal with whatever comes with it’

Friendships can sometimes change after marriage and children get involved.

In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, one woman recounted the issue that arose after she decided to host a child-free birthday party at a restaurant with a bar. According to the woman, this meant she hired a babysitter for her three year old.

However, one of the poster’s friends Missy, who has a daughter that is five, claimed that her daughter would be coming to the party despite the child-free rule. According to the Reddit poster, she offered to pay the babysitter extra money to watch both children, but Missy refused because her daughter is already in daycare all day.

The poster still didn’t think it was a good idea for Missy to bring her child.

“One, I know our group. We’re going to get rowdy and I don’t want to censor myself,” the Reddit post continued. “Two, Missy’s daughter is like a lot of five year olds: she doesn’t sit still, wants to run all over the place. Missy admits she doesn’t bring her out to restaurants much because she doesn’t know how to act. But I also know Missy will just sort of let her as she’s very permissive.”

She ended up explaining to the friend throwing her the party and the friend agreed the party was “no kids allowed”. After Missy was told this she made the decision to not go to the party.

“I told Missy I’d be glad to have a playdate/lunch another time with our kids so we can still hang out. I told Missy I can’t stop her from coming to the restaurant but we absolutely will not allow her to come into the private room. She’s very hurt that we’re excluding her,” the post concluded before asking for the commenter’s opinions.

Many people were quick to take to the comments and defend the poster’s wishes not to have children at her party.

“You offered reasonable solutions and she refused. When a person chooses a lifestyle, they have to deal with whatever comes with it. But they aren’t entitled to special treatment, especially when people of a similar lifestyle have adapted,” one comment began.

“We’ve all had to miss out on something for one reason or another. Plenty of parents have had to make this choice before. She’s not letting herself be an independent adult outside of parenthood, this could have been a great evening for her to blow off steam and come back more ‘parent-y’ than ever. I have a couple of friends who regret not taking up babysitting offers earlier in their parenting journeys to allow themselves to be grounded. It’s a shame, really.”

Another commenter agreed, writing: “This is an adult gathering and you offered a generous solution in paying your babysitter extra to watch both kids. You are not excluding Missy, Missy is excluding herself.”

“Basically what you want at your party goes especially as this friend was not involved in the rental or planning process,” a third comment read.

“If she allows this to stem off into a larger discourse between you two I say good riddance. A friend would respect your wishes and if she can’t even try to understand then it comes off as slightly manipulative and even a little like she’s taking advantage of your fun night out. Not that it is that way but it says a lot about a friend who is more concerned with their own wishes and wants during your birthday.”