CIAO BABY BMWs

Don't get me wrong - it's not the cars per se. I may not know my vorsprung from my technik, but I'm sure these sleek chunks of engineering get you from Auto to Bahn with formidable teutonic efficiency. No, it's the sense of exclusivity which, as BMW itself recently realised, is hard to maintain when every other car on the road is an "ultimate driving machine" - I even learnt in one at my old driving-school. It's time to wave bye- bye to the beemer because

l who wants a car called 528?

l sales reps would look a lot less smug in their Cavaliers; what accounts department will give them a Mercedes?

l the traffic lights of south London will be a lot quieter without the "ultimate b-boy machine"

l their depreciation is really rather goo - oh my god! Just five minutes writing about them turns you into a car bore.