Creativity

If all the letters we have received this week containing the phrase "Moon River" were laid end to end, they would stretch wider than a mile. So let's see if we can cross some of them in style.

Mike Gifford thinks that all the moon water they have discovered was probably leaked by American astronauts. He recommends getting the English cricket team to fill it with ducks. Nigel Plevin suggests establishing a lunar brewery, with the moon supplying the water and the astronauts the hops.

"Put it in funny-shaped bottles and advertise it as 'Eau Clair de la Lune'," advises Peter Bear. Ann Phillips thinks it could come in useful for moonlighters to make moonshine, though first call on the water will, she suggests, be to baptise Moonies. Norman Foster says he's been using moon water to make moonshine for some time. He collects it on moonless nights to avoid detection. "The liqueur produced is very smooth," he says, "albeit a bit on the dark side." He ends with a plea: "I am trying to compile a tide table for the moon, but I am having difficulty with determining the phases of the earth. Does anybody know Neil Armstrong's address?"

Bruce Birchall has come up with a logistical problem concerning setting up a space station on the moon: "Their University Challenge team would never win, because their buzzer would always be heard about one-and-a- half seconds later than that of their opponents."

"As there is less gravity on the moon," Tom Gaunt reasons, "the water could be used for making light ales." He adds:

"Men from earth, will be soon,

drinking water on the moon.

We shall have to wait and see

If this idea is lunar sea."

Will Smith hopes someone up there will turn it all into wine, to go with the green cheese we all know the moon's made out of. Stephen Montgomery hopes they will produce Baywatch on the moon, "so we can see the effects of minimal gravity on silicone implants." Tim Mickleburgh looks forward to a lunar sequel to Kevin Costner's Waterworld. Susan Tomes looks forward to the film of the discovery of moon water: 1998: A Space Eaudyssey.

"Puree and freeze for two hours to make moon sorbets," advises Steve Warner; "serve on the rocks." David Preston thinks it could be sold as refreshment to footballers who are over the moon. Samantha Hamilton wants to bottle it as "mooneral water". If that doesn't work, she recommends filling the Millennium Dome with it: "At least this way it will contain something interesting." If it goes on the market, Chris Macleod wants to order a crater Lunar Spring water. Peter B Thomas wants to use it to keep his Milky Way fresh.

Duncan Bull wants to set up a snow-making machine on the moon, then hold the next Winter Olympics there. "With the reduced gravity, the Games will be breathtaking."

Frank Hubert thought that water on the moon was "an affliction affecting drunken rugby players who stuck their backsides out of windows during inclement weather." Roger Ford says: "Put it in basins and pass it to trichologists, so they can wash and set the lunatic fringe."

"Melt the ice," RJ Pickles recommends, "so that romantics can watch earthlight on the water." He advises keeping it out of the clutches of the Water Boards, however, to prevent them gaining a moonopoly. Len Clarke signs off with: "See you later, soggy crater."

Chambers Dictionary Prizes to: Norman Foster, Tom Gaunt and Mike Gifford. Next week, we shall remain in space, doing things to that asteroid that's going to kill us all. Meanwhile, we're looking for things to do with long- neglected Rubik cubes. All ideas welcome at: Creativity, The Independent, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5DL.