App hell, festival flings and day-use hotel rooms: The highs and lows of dating over 50
As the latest series of ‘And Just Like That’ offers a snapshot into what it’s like to date over 50, Megan Carnegie chats to real-life singles to see what the scene is truly like
I almost died waiting for a FaceTime,” Seema (Sarita Choudhury) deadpans to Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) over ice cream in a sun-drenched Central Park, in Sex and the City spin-off And Just Like That. She’s recounting the indignity of dozing off, cigarette in hand, in anticipation of a call from her flaky boyfriend. Instead of a cute virtual goodnight, she’s left with a scorched blow-dry and one apartment, lightly toasted.
Let’s just say, the relationship doesn’t last long after that. With Seema back on the market, newly single Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) navigating the queer dating scene, and Carrie working on a long-distance relationship with Aidan (John Corbett), the latest series of HBO Max’s AJLT offers a snapshot of the realities of dating over 50. With a side order of maximalist fashion and ludicrous hats, of course.
While life on the wealthy Upper East Side, replete with tableside guacamole preppers and walk-in wardrobes, might not resonate with all, its depiction of dating in later life certainly does.
Suzanne Noble, 64, from northwest London, is a longtime fan of the original Sex and the City and has often been compared to SATC’s OG Samantha Jones. Like the women in And Just Like That, she’s navigating the binfire that is modern-day dating with a mix of curiosity and resilience. She’s “single-ish” at the moment, and has practised ethical non-monogamy for some time. “Every time I’ve gotten into a relationship and tried to open it up using traditional dating apps, it’s not gone well,” she explains.
She’s started using Feeld instead, through which she’s met several friends with benefits and is currently in a situationship with a man in his late fifties. He comes round most Sunday afternoons and they have fun, speaking a few times a week. As they live on different sides of London, she’d love to go to his place, but the fact his 27-year-old son lives with him is a real passion killer.
It’s a thread AJLT picks at when Carrie takes an impromptu trip to Aidan’s farm in Virginia, only to be told she must sleep in the guesthouse to avoid riling his wayward son Wyatt (Logan Souza). “Dating with an adult kid living back home is a f***ing nightmare and it’s putting a dent in tonnes of my friends’ sex lives,” says Suzanne, social enterprise founder and host of the podcast Sex Advice for Seniors. “We should be in the empty-nest phase, enjoying casual dating – instead we’re having to book day-use hotel rooms to hook up!”
It’s not just adult kids making dating tricky – welcome to the sandwich generation, in which many are juggling ageing parents, boomerang children, and demanding jobs, all at once. As AJLT’s third season documents, this complexity (from all directions) is the biggest difference from dating in your twenties or thirties.
“When people first come to me for dating advice, they often worry that between caring responsibilities, work and sometimes their own health issues, they won’t be an attractive prospect,” says Dr Mairi MacLeod, dating coach for women over 50 and founder of Dating Evolved. “Truth is though, past 50, almost everyone is dealing with the big life ‘stuff’ and success in dating will depend on how open you are to sharing those issues and challenges.”
When it comes to actually meeting people, dating apps are wearing thin – and not just for the over-fifties. A report from Ofcom found that four of the most popular dating apps in the UK all saw a decrease in users between 2023 and 2024. Tinder declined by 600,000 users, Hinge by 131,000, Bumble by 368,000 and Grindr by 11,000.
Grappling with norms like ghosting, catfishing, and breadcrumbing, those who’ve stuck to using dating apps have a rough ride of it. A large portion, around 78 per cent, report feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by the experience, according to a Forbes Health survey. As Carrie’s ex-neighbour Lisette (Katerina Tannenbaum) cries over her gimlet: “It’s such a messed-up time to be dating… I spend every waking hour scrolling, swiping and texting, and it’s all just hurtful, or meaningless.” Fed up with bowing to the algorithm, the millennial tosses her phone over her shoulder – only for it to land in a hot stranger’s overpriced cocktail. (He makes the first move, and she’s spared further swiping. At least for now.)
Malcolm*, 52, from Somerset, is equally done with apps – for him, they’re “a conveyor belt of s*** where you just have to pick the best one of the lot”. He’s been single for three-and-a-half years, and despite some positive experiences with Match prior to his previous relationship, Hinge, Bumble and even Taller Singles (he’s 6ft 7in) have garnered only misfires. “It’s constant small talk, then one stops messaging the other and you get ghosted,” he explains. “The women who like me on apps are all 20 years older!”
I’m super aware of red flags – even the orange ones
Suzanne feels this acutely. Timewasters are rife on the platforms she’s tried and often it’s married men lying about their circumstances for something extra on the side. The breadth of options is also an issue. “At 50, options to date people of the same age dropped off massively, but now it’s tumbleweed if I say I’m over 60,” she says. “I don’t want to lie, but you have to play the game, and the game is, as a woman over 60, you’re out of options.” She knows that lowering her dating age range would open the floodgates – mostly to men the same age as her son, which is a hard pass.
If dating apps are a shark tank over 50, real-life encounters are the friendlier shallows – still risky, but full of potential. In fact, among Britons aged 50 to 64, the top ways people met their current or most recent partner are refreshingly analogue: at work (19 per cent), through mutual friends (15 per cent), or out in the wild – at a pub, concert, or cafe (14 per cent), according to YouGov data from June 2025. Just 8 per cent met on a dating app (this is slightly higher among 25 to 49-year olds, 13 per cent of whom met through an app). “More and more, when I ask people how they’ve met their partner, it’s through a friend, at an event, or a random,” says Suzanne. “My friend met the man she just married on a bus!”
Malcolm, a self-employed painter and decorator, is regularly propositioned on the job – a perk or a hazard, depending on your view. “My bit of banter can get misconstrued,” he says. One recently widowed client latched onto him; they went for drinks, but things veered off course when she showed up in what he diplomatically calls “an outfit that left nothing to the imagination”. When he gently declined, she blew up and called him names.
His last relationship was controlling and abusive, and the fallout still shapes how he dates. “I’m super aware of red flags – even the orange ones,” he says. “If I see one, I’m out.” One dealbreaker? Anyone still tangled up with their ex. Earlier this year, he hit it off with a woman while walking his dog. They set a date – promising, until she turned up late, fresh from lunch and a hike with her ex. On their second date, she brought a specific bottle of water: “My ex keeps buying it for me – he knows it’s my favourite.” It didn’t go any further.
Still, Malcolm has committed to saying yes to fun and spontaneity. Always sociable, he decided after his last relationship to say yes to everything that comes his way. “I’ve met some really interesting, fun, beautiful people that way,” he says. He’s not the only one grabbing life – and love – by the horns. Across the UK, singles over 50 are diving into new hobbies, adventures, and the occasional flirtation. According to a recent survey by dating app Ourtime, nearly three-quarters of over-fifties say they’re more active and social than ever. Over half still love a party, 43 per cent are into festivals, and 40 per cent are fans of live gigs. Romance isn’t everything though: 38 per cent say it’s a bonus, not a must-have, adding extra sparkle to an already fulfilling life.
As AJLT’s Carrie intones: something new and unexpected always awaits. “Life is a story we get to write every day, and when the plot twists, we can choose to embrace a new chapter.” Case in point: just last weekend Malcolm went to a camping festival with friends and ended up hooking up. “She’s very lovely – I’ve not done that in years!” he says. It probably won’t go anywhere as she lives miles away, but he’s hoping his carpe diem approach will lead him to a loving partner soon. After all, by this stage, most people (even our middle-aged Manhattanites) know love isn’t perfect, but it can still surprise you, even when you think you’ve read the whole book.
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