On the agenda: 'Fleming'; returns queues; January detox; slouchy season; joining the gym

 

Click image to enlarge
Click image to enlarge

Middle-class problems: Joining the gym

By Marianne Levy

And so, it is January, and middle-class conversations zing with comments such as, "Have you tried resistance training?" and "I have to do my 5k before breakfast or I'm such a grump!".

The rational response to such obvious one-upmanship is to punch the speaker in the face, but this is not always appropriate. Especially if, post-Christmas, that fist barely makes it to the snout of its intended target before the puncher collapses from the effort.

So, instead, we retrieve that shouty leaflet from the takeaway drawer, and consider the gym. For, should the lure of a new you for the New Year not be tempting enough, there's also a free towel!

Resisting such marketing takes willpower, which, by definition, one is lacking if nursing a surplus stone of December flub. Besides, there's always the hope, however faint, that this year will be different, that we'll get lean, that we'll go four times a week. And that we will, maybe, one day, perhaps, have an endorphin rush – an experience as magical, and, in my experience, as likely, as meeting the Loch Ness Monster.

Back we go, then, running, cycling and power-lunging to nowhere, watched by the regulars, who view the January influx through narrowed eyes.

The consolation for the expense, the hassle and those hair-blocked showers? No, not fitness – that won't happen until September at best. It's the chance to join in and say things like, "Wow, my quads are aching," and "I am so loving the Power Plate."

And the knowledge that, when it becomes necessary, one can punch oneself, hard, in the face.

Register for free to continue reading

Registration is a free and easy way to support our truly independent journalism

By registering, you will also enjoy limited access to Premium articles, exclusive newsletters, commenting, and virtual events with our leading journalists

Please enter a valid email
Please enter a valid email
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number
Please enter your first name
Special characters aren’t allowed
Please enter a name between 1 and 40 characters
Please enter your last name
Special characters aren’t allowed
Please enter a name between 1 and 40 characters
You must be over 18 years old to register
You must be over 18 years old to register
Opt-out-policy
You can opt-out at any time by signing in to your account to manage your preferences. Each email has a link to unsubscribe.

By clicking ‘Create my account’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Already have an account? sign in

By clicking ‘Register’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Register for free to continue reading

Registration is a free and easy way to support our truly independent journalism

By registering, you will also enjoy limited access to Premium articles, exclusive newsletters, commenting, and virtual events with our leading journalists

Already have an account? sign in

By clicking ‘Register’ you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use, Cookie policy and Privacy notice.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy policy and Terms of service apply.

Join our new commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

Comments

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in