Candid Caller

David Mellor has appeared on more front pages than he could ever have imagined when he was appointed Secretary of State for National Heritage and nicknamed Minister for Fun. After his affair with Antonia de Sancha was exposed by the People, the Sun claimed Mellor had had sex with her while wearing the football strip of his favourite team, Chelsea.

A libel case opens shortly, for which Mr Mellor has been subpoenaed as a defence witness for, ironically, the People. So this week the Candid Caller rang some other David Mellors, asking: what sort of year have you had, and are you a football fan?

'I RUN shops selling kitchen equipment and this year has been slightly better than last, which was our tightest,' said David Mellor of Knightsbridge, west London, who does not support a football team. 'I've often received letters meant for the MP, and I usually pass them on to him, care of the Commons. During his recent domestic problems I did receive one particular letter from a keen supporter - he later realised his mistake and rang to ask if I'd post it back to him, sharpish, which I did.'

'I'M having a fantastic year,' said David Mellor of Stoke-on-Trent. 'The company I work for, as an inspector, is involved with aerospace electronics and is doing well.

'I like to watch football and support the local lads, Kidsgrove Athletic, whose colours are blue and white. I don't think wearing their colours would help me sexually - and I wouldn't want to swap places with the other David Mellor. I'm not really that kind of person.'

'I WORK in the Vickers shipbuilding yard where there have been redundancies this year,' said David Mellor of Barrow-in- Furness. 'But I'm still there for the moment, so I can't complain.

'I actually run a Sunday league football team called the Prince of Wales's team, and support Manchester United. If I were doing it with her (Ms de Sancha), I'd have to wear a United strip, which would definitely be a sexual stimulant. I couldn't do it in a Chelsea strip.'

'I'M having a superb year,' said the owner of Dave Mellor Cycles in Shrewsbury. 'It may be because of the recession or just that people are getting 'greener', but business is excellent.

'I support Shrewsbury Town, who wear a blue and yellow kit. My girlfriend's having a baby shortly, but I don't think it's got anything to do with soccer shirts.'

'THIS year's not going too badly, although more recently there have been jokes made at the expense of my name. But they don't worry me,' said David Mellor in Brampton Castle, Oxfordshire. 'I deal with small companies, acting as a financial adviser, and I'm kept busy this year helping them cope with the banks.

'I actually support Liverpool, but I've never thought of wearing their colours (red) in bed.'

'I'M on invalidity retirement with bronchial asthma, and have been since 1986 - so this year is no different to the last five,' said David Mellor in York. 'I don't follow any sport and have no interest in sports clothes.'