Try Me: Hot crimson lipstick

'WHAT on earth have you done to your face?' were the first words from a beloved male colleague when I marched into the office following my new make-over in hot crimson lipstick - apparently all the rage on the catwalk this year. 'I don't think it is quite appropriate for this office,' said a female colleague. The male news hacks were even less charming: one collapsed in hysterical laughter. None of this boded well for the evening ahead - I had a date with not one, but four single men.

The first knows me well enough to be blunt: 'Yuck . . . what are you wearing? I'm certainly not kissing you]' The next two, arriving together, collapsed in the doorway, pretending to shield their eyes. The fourth, who met us later at the restaurant, was more affectionate. 'Hello old tart . . .

my word, you actually look like one tonight. Accident with the Ribena?'

I could bear it no longer. I'd already smudged the pencilled outline and after sipping my wine the rim of my glass looked revolting. (I wonder if Naomi Campbell uses a straw). The thought of dyeing my spaghetti purple before it reached my tonsils was putting me off my food, so I rushed to the loo without further ado.

A woman there smiled as I scrubbed it off: 'Hmm, I see we've overdone the war paint.' Hmm, I thought ruefully, I don't suppose people say that to Naomi.

(Photograph omitted)