<p>What not to do on a first date</p>

What not to do on a first date

People are sharing what you should ‘never’ do on a first date, from showing up late to checking your phone

‘Movies should be reserved for people in relationships,’ one person claims

Chelsea Ritschel
New York
Friday 23 July 2021 16:36

First dates can be useful indicators of whether you can actually see yourself with a person, or if you should send the “let’s be friends” text.

However, that doesn’t mean all first dates end well, according to Reddit users, who are sharing some of the things you “should never” do on a first date.

To find out what people should absolutely not do when meeting a potential romantic partner for the first time, and why, Reddit user u/couch_licker asked the Ask Reddit subreddit: “What should you NEVER do on a first date?”

In response, hundreds of people have shared datingred flags ranging from phone use to conversations focused solely on past relationships.

According to one person who responded to the Reddit inquiry, the absolute worst thing a person can do on a first date is show up late, as it is both rude and can make them question whether they’ve been stood up.

“Be late. I know it’s such a boomer thing to say, and I never care about punctuality in any other context. But for a first date specifically, every minute I’m waiting is a minute my insecure ass is wondering if I’ve been stood up,” they wrote.

For another, the biggest red flag is when an individual spends the entire date on their phone..

The issue was one that resonated with other users, with one person revealing that they’d left a date early because she was “constantly replying to text messages”.

“Put it on vibrate and don’t look at it except when you go to the bathroom,” they advised.

Other individuals place importance in the idea of a fresh start, with many users revealing that they think it is a problem if their date discusses their past relationships, as it can indicate that they are not over their former partner.

“Discuss any particular ex for a length of time. In my experience it’s a big red flag that they’re not over someone or carrying that baggage,” one person commented. “And I mean everyone has baggage - it’s normal. I have some and expect the people I’ve dated in the past to have some. But a first date should be about exploring each other and whether you like the person, are attracted to them, want to continue getting to know them.”

Users also revealed that the same rule applies to asking about former partners, with another person explaining that they would also prefer not to be asked about their past relationships on a first date, and encouraging others not to pry.

“If you know the person you’re dating is divorced, don’t ask about it on the first date,” they wrote. “Not a fun thing for them to talk about. You’ll learn about it eventually if you end up going on more dates.”

The conversation also shouldn’t focus too much on trying to impress the other person, as one user explained that “interest is sexy,” but “bragging is not,” while another person pointed out that those on first dates should avoid turning the meeting into a job interview by only asking question after question.

Other Reddit users encouraged people not to share all of their insecurities or “every single unappealing thing about your life” on a first date, as it can create a “self-fulfilling prophecy of rejection”.

They wrote: “Don’t dump out every single unappealing thing about your life on a first date. There is plenty of time to get to know someone, and plenty of time to be honest about those things - but a first date isn’t the time for it. I feel like sometimes people do this as a defense mechanism, to ‘rip off the bandaid’ and test if someone will accept them completely - but it is far too much all at once and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of rejection.”

According to another person, trying to win someone over, especially when you can tell they aren’t interested, can also backfire, as they explained that “trying to force something, especially on the first date, will most likely not end well”.

“If they don’t like you, they don’t like you,” they said.

The Reddit thread also prompted many users to acknowledge the importance of being kind to restaurant employees, with many stating that it is a deal breaker if their date is rude to those helping them.

The location of a first date was also up for debate, with another user revealing that they believe first meetings should never take place at the movies and that the activity should be “reserved for people in relationships”.

According to the user, their reasoning has to do with quality time well spent, with the person explaining that if you go to the movies on the first date, “you’ll practically have wasted two hours watching something, not being able to talk and get to know each other”.

However, other users did note that movies can be a possibility as long as a meal, coffee or drinks are planned for afterwards, as it then allows those on the date to discuss the movie, and possibly bond over it.

As for the transportation to or from the date, one woman revealed that it is a red flag when men get “offended” if she turns down their offer to drive her home, even if they were “just trying to be nice”.

“Speaking as a woman who dates men: getting offended if she doesn’t want you to pick her up/drive her home,” she said. “Basic safety there and you look like a creep even if you were just trying to be nice. Offering is fine - but don’t push.”

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